User:John Carter/Megalomaniac cabal

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Welcome to the Megalomaniac cabal!!!!

Like our grand predecessors, and they were all grand, it is our goal to take over the world!!!!

'''Our Motto, first used by the great Claude Rains: "Power! Power to make the world grovel at my feet!" Say it loud! Hell, scream it loud!'''

(Remember, your a power-mad loon, you're supposed to be a little odd anyway. Drool a little, that generally helps too. This is a key requirement to join the cabal. If you can't convince yourself you're a psychotic, how could you hope to convince anyone else!?)

'''Another point! Remember to use wayyy tooo much excalamation!!!! That goes with convincing people that you have what it takes to be a really effective autocratic bastard! You take no gruff from anybody!! Even those girls in high school who turned you down because you looked like a beached whale!!''' 'ESPECIALLY'' the girls in high school who turned you down because you looked like a beached whale!!!! You have the power now!! You can make any of them do any damn thing you want to!'''

(Hmmm, that one takes a bit of thinking about. What are you supposed to do with them anyway?)

'''Anyway, back to my point! Remember, you have the power now! You can bang away on the keyboard and convince people that you are the wonderful, powerful, decisive person you always knew you were!! FUCK THE WORLD, you're in charge!'''

(OK, now I remember.)

And while I'm on the subject, let me mention our most potent weapons!!

(OK, not our most potent weapons, we are of course godlike studs with the libidos, physiques, and permanent arousal of porn stars, but you get the point. Particularly if you're a girl. It's all coming back to me now...)

'''Anyway, remember our best tools to convince those lesser beings of our true awesomeness!! WOMEN!!!! Remember, those lesser mortals you knew in high school!? The ridiculous, fun, happy, popular jocks who didn't even know what a pocket protector was!? Remember how you caught them looking over and peeking at the overdeveloped blonde you were staring at!? ''THAT'S RIGHT!! That's how you get them!!'

(The guys, not the girls. The girls you try to "get" in a different way.)

'''SHOW THEM PICTURES OF WOMEN!!! EVERYWHERE!!!! DISTRACT THE EMPTY-HEADED LITTLE BASTARDS!!! MOST OF THEM HAVE THE ATTENTION SPANS OF CONCUSSED FLEAS ANYWAY!!! IT ISN'T THAT HARD, BELIEVE ME!!'''

(OK, it is getting a little hard, but that's to be expected when you get this worked up over something. And, of course, under the right circumstances, it gets much, much harder. What the hell was I talking about anyway? Oh, yeah.)

'''WOMEN!!! WHAT IS THE ONE THING EVERY ARTICLE ABOUT A COUNTRY NEEDS!? OF COURSE!! A GALLERY OF THE PORN STARLETS FROM THAT COUNTRY!! MOST OF THE BLOODY BASTARDS WHO LOOK AT THESE ARTICLES CAN BARELY READ ANYWAY, AND THEY'LL BE DISTRACTED BY THE PICTURES!!!'''

(Not counting the kids. Remember, kids? That's what happens if you're not careful? We don't want too many of them, of course. A whole world full of guys like "us"? Eeeewwwwww.... Anyway)

'''WELL, MEN!!?? DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO TAKE CONTROL!!?? ARE YOU WILLING TO HELP YOUR FELLOWS IN TAKING THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACES AS OVERLORDS OF THE PLANET!!?? IF YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH FOR THE CHALLENGE, SIGN YOUR NAME BELOW, AND WELCOME TO THE MEGALOMANIA CABAL!!! AND, REMEMBER,

BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!


 * 1) John Carter (talk) 23:44, 3 May 2009 (UTC)