User:Johnsonm2/Social media in the fashion industry/Mpresho Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Johnsonm2)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Social media in the fashion industry
 * Social media in the fashion industry

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

You may want to remove "Public opinion had never had such influence. Average consumers would now be able to broadcast their opinions across the web and ultimately persuade brands to cater to them." as this seems a little biased and lacks evidence.

Content

YouTube

I like the added the topic YouTube. I am worried that your content may not be entirely neutral. The sentence "By simply creating an account..." sounds like you are trying to convince someone to do something. You might try something like "YouTube enables users to create videos that share current fashion trends or their favorite clothing items with their followers". You could also talk about subscriptions to YouTube or the ability to interact with the video by commenting or "liking" it.

In the sentence "Within these videos, creators have the ability to link products that they are advertising as a way to generate a profit as well as attention to the product that they choose." you may want to change "as well as attention to the product that they choose" to "as well as bring attention to the product that they choose".

History of fashion in the mediaIn this sentence "In the later 20th and 21st century the mainstream media of fashion was distributed through the Internet and Cable Television." I think they may have meant "In the late 20th and early 21st century..." instead.

Advertising through social media

I would remove "such as the iPhone" from the first sentence, it is unnecessary information. I would also remove everything after "Guilt Group, a private discounted site..." this does not seem like necessary content.

Instagram

This section needs a lot of work. I think you could keep "Since 2011, the popularity and usage of smart technology has increased and altered the way consumers interacted and accessed the fashion world. Instagram launched in 2010, the app since then has gained over 200 million users, over 25 billion images shared so far, averaging 1.6 billion likes per day." and "Instagram is now seen as one of the most powerful tools in shaping the way consumers perceive brands. 81% of Instagram users use the platform to research products and services and 50% of users have visited a website to make a purchase after seeing a product or a service". The rest of the content is biased and overall could be improved to be more informative. Topics you could consider diving in to- live streams, InstaStories, polls, the ability to like and leave comments, and the ability to both post pictures and videos along with a comment.

Facebook

Remove this biased sentence "Visual media interactions on social media platforms such as Facebook has been successful with the distribution of fashion media".

Brand Influencers

Remove "This loungewear was once able to be bought at Walmart and now retails at sports retailers for nearly double the price" this sentence does not add to the topic.