User:Johnyha/Ngozi Iwere/Audlz Peer Review

General info
Johnyha
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Johnyha/Ngozi Iwere
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):N/A

Lead
The lead is well-written and easy to understand, and includes good use of sources and hyperlinks. However immediately I notice that the tone is somewhat biased, and seems to be shifting towards the overall argment of "Her belief in community empowerment and her role as a catalyst for awakening creative energy in communities underpin this groundbreaking project in Nigerian public health." Additionally the wording continues to elevate the subject such as using "effective, effectively shapes."

Content
Content consists of three paragraphs with no clear sectioning. The first being her background, and her involvement in the fight against HIV/AIDS, and the last about her work in the community. I would actually section these using subheadings or headings to make the article more easy to read and understand to the public, rather than being dense. Additionally, I would not label the body as "article body" and rather change that. Again, I would also make the content more neutral rather than argumentative of Iwere's approaches and their effectiveness.

The article can also be a little longer, considering that there are 8 sources used, so I definitely think a little more can be added after sectioning into subsections.

Tone and Balances
Overall tone is not neutral, and is more like traditional essay writing which aims to prove an argument, which is "Her belief in community empowerment and her role as a catalyst for awakening creative energy in communities underpin this groundbreaking project in Nigerian public health." It is not super biased, and the writer does overall a good job, but I would try to make the overall tone more "wiki" -like by using less biased adjectives such as the ones I listed above.

Sources and References
Great use of sources- it appears that this article uses eight different sources that all appear to be scholarly and credible. The use of sources is great and well-spread out in this article- great job!

Organization
Beyond structuring the article in a more neutral way, I would definitely recommend sectioning through subheadings. For example, sectioning the article into "her background, her involvement in the fight against HIV/AIDS, and the last about her work in the community."

After sectioning, definitely can include more/add more content.

Overall though great writing and very specific and informative!

Images and Media
There are no images or media, thus if you can find images that correlate with this article that conform to WIki policies, I would recommend adding such to add more color and context.

Overall Impressions
Overall the main thing I would recommend would be making your tone more neutral. Throughout the entire article there is often deviation from neutrality, such as using the words "positive change" or "formidable" make it seem that the writer is not completely neutral regarding the topic, and is making an argument as to why Ngozi Iwere made the most change.

Another overall recommendation is to add more sectioning. There is only the lead and the article body sectioning which makes then the body pretty packed and harder to digest. If you can separate the different aspects of Ngozi Iwere you are focusing on it will be more effective.