User:Jolly315/Central Valley (California)/Belfurblue45 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jolly315


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jolly315/Central Valley (California)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The sources used are up to date, and the writing is clear and concise. A neutral tone is used, and the user allows the sources to do the majority of the work in giving the important information. It seems to be sourced alright. This addition should be able to add to the strength of the Wikipedia article in a real way, with interesting details about the overall health of people in the Central Valley. The topic is also well organized. One particular recommendation is in using more passive voice. Lines such as, "Oral health discrepancies in the Central Valley is an under researched topic" shows a matter of personal opinion, and should be avoided.