User:Jonathanischoice/GA reviews

Music of The Lord of the Rings film series
Notes only, made as I go; may or may not end up in the six criteria for GA review.

Lead

 * 1) Second paragraph, "antiquated-sounding" seems a bit clunky; perhaps re-word the sentence: "Shore intended the score to be operatic and sound antiquated"; a suggestion only: a different adjective perhaps, e.g. "ancient", "archaic" or "old-fashioned", or have (from the quote) "a feeling of antiquity"?
 * 2) Third paragraph, "The series music is widely regarded as a milestone in the history of film music" has weasel wording and no citation; may need to fix one or the other, or ideally both, see MOS:LEADCITE.

Other/uncategorized

 * 1) § Film scores: "On top of that, individual themes were composed to..." sounds like marketing; suggest "Individual themes were also composed to..."
 * 2) § Film scores: "The score is primarily played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra" lacks the proper context and has the wrong tense; suggest "The soundtrack used for the films was primarily performed by..."
 * 3) § Film scores: Peter Jackson played a tam-tam, not a gong, in the recording.
 * 4) § Film scores: links to instruments: contrabass clarinet, Wagner tuba, etc.
 * 5) § Film scores: "trumpets in C, F, Bb and rotary valve" should be "with rotary valves"
 * 6) § Film scores: The sentence in the fourth paragraph, "Shore spent 4 years composing and recording the score, constantly referring to Tolkien's book" repeats information from the previous paragraph.
 * 7) § Analysis: "The films' writer/producer Fran Walsh writes that..." should state that she writes this in the Foreword of the book (and use   in the sfn citation).
 * 8) § Leitmotifs: First sentence, "Adams states that Shore has woven over 100 themes or leitmotifs..." this is now the third time the prose has stated the use of a large number of leitmotifs; if p.11 of Adams is the citation to use, then it should be in the other two places, or better, remove the repetition so it's only in one place.
 * 9) § Leitmotifs: paragraph 2, "instinctually" - instead of a made-up word, let's use "instinctively" but without quotes. That kills several parrots with one rock.
 * 10) § Orchestration: excellent work with the imagemap and SVG diagram, by the way! I'm totally going to yoink it as an exemplar and adapt it elsewhere.

Contrabass trombone
Remaining points from GA1 as of 30 March 2023:

Construction: Refs: Bibliography: Ext links:
 * The text in this section is very technical for non-specialist readers. Is there an illustration available to help to explain it?
 * Ref 11 (Crewe) – YouTube clip is WP:QS, use something else?
 * Kifler is a teacher by profession, so what makes you think his thesis is a reliable source? (see WP:SCHOLARSHIP for more information about being cautious with theses).

Monotron

 * If it is stylised all lower-case as "monotron", then we can use Lowercase title (although it is upper-cased "Monotron" throughout the article?)
 * §Sources: we can surround the list with refbegin and refend to make them the same smaller text used by §References.
 * §External links: if Wikidata is set up correctly then we only need to use Commons-inline and Official website with no parameters.

Tellico Dam

 * Book: Cadillac Desert on IA, p. 165 (as cited)
 * Book: TVA and the Dispossessed, on IA
 * Book: Footsteps of the Cherokees, Open Library
 * Book: Natural Histories on OL
 * TVA: Bridge over Troubled Waters on IA

Matiu / Somes Island

 * Any reason not to use Use New Zealand English over the current EngvarB template?

Serpent (instrument)
Nominate for GA.
 * Doug Yeo's original "Tempted by a Serpent" article, in the BSO 1994-95 season programme book.

Soprano trombone
Nominate for GA.