User:Jorgee829/Sleepy Lagoon Murder/Lynnsasaki Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jorgee829 (Jorge)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jorgee829/Sleepy_Lagoon_Murder?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sleepy Lagoon murder

Evaluate the drafted changes
Peer Review Comments by Section

Lead:

- Things to edit: You will want to include a brief description or overview of your topic. I would recommend doing this last because it helps to flesh out your content before you can summarize it.

Content:

- Things that are great: Your page is organized very well. I like that you write in a concise manner, so nothing is very convoluted. You also wrote things very matter-of-fact and sequentially, which is great for the idea of neutrality.

- Things to edit: Expand on the events that occurred of the murder. You will probably want to provide more context in regards to what led up to the incidence. I think this section will allow you to provide information on the racial and social climate of the time in the US. This can be its own subsection. Then, your next subsection can be a description of the events that occurred. The next subsection can be a description of the aftermath. You could probably find some good newspaper articles that describe the event.

Tone and Balance:

Very neutral - stick with it!

Organization:

I think it is organized well. I would just include a few more subsections when you're describing the background/context of the event and then the aftermath.

Media:

Include some cool images the night of the event.

References:

Like I said, newspaper articles from the time or detailed accounts of the people who were there could be really cool to include. I know that you can get a free New York Times account with your school email, and they have a lot of articles dating really far back. I would recommend maybe trying to find a few of these articles to include as references for your information.

Great job!