User:JosephGWagner/sandbox

Joseph Gordon Wagner
Joseph Wagner is considered a titan, even when compared to the Gods of our wildest imaginations. This man, nay, this legend, is in high school where he attempts to suppress his greatness by acting like a total tool in order to fit in amongst us lesser beings. Joseph won the lifetime achievement award for "best eyebrows" at the age of 11, and has a jawline so sharp it can cut diamond. If you saw him, you would think he was a celebrity not only by his perfect physical features or his clothes, but as well as the massive crowd of females that is constantly accompanying him. He was even given the nickname, "Ryan Gosling's younger more attractive brother."

Early Life
He was born in 2001 somewhere in Louisiana. After he was born, God reached down and said, "When I created man, this is exactly what I had envisioned. This is the perfect human, he is destined for greatness." Afterward Joseph climbed out of his mothers arms and began to walk at only 10 minutes old. He the proceeded to walk around the hospital and cure people of their diseases. He then returned to his mother and she immediately said, "Oh my God, that jawline." Joseph began playing soccer at 15 minutes old. He then was recognized as the best soccer player in the world at the age of 1 week old. One reporter stated, "this guy is like better than Messi".

Personal Life
Joseph always wears the freshest shoes possible. You will never catch him without a fresh cut, and never wearing clothes that wouldn't be fit to be seen on a king. His dad drives a Mercedes and his mom drives a Honda. He doesn't have many friends because no one is good enough for him. He cries whenever Harvey hits him because Harvey "slaps him on the side of his head whenever he has his earbuds in so it hurts extra" because he has "sensitive ears." On Instagram (November 2017) he's following 415 people and has 442 followers, in the past there were rumors that he paid people to follow him but there was no conclusive evidence. He's also tagged in three posts but the only one he's actually in is a group picture.

Interests
Joseph is a lover of all things jazzical. He plays soccer I think. I can't tell because its not like he wears a soccer related shirt every day. "Good season boys, 12-1-1 ain't bad at all," Joseph said October 2016. He obviously wasn't trying, in order to give the other teams a chance. Joseph used to run cross country, where he and his love, Nina, would win every race. He's also a Democrat, interesting. His favorite type of music is jazz rap. Contradictorily, his favorite song is Hot and Cold by Katie Perry.

Love Life
Previously, he was in love with Nina but he made her throw up so his chances died a while ago. He's in love with Clara Westhoff, Anna Gundermann, Ryan Gossick, Camryn Gossick, Abby Schipfer, Brooklyn Manning, and every girl in the school is in love with him because of his amazing hair. He could probably get his celebrity crush Whoopie Goldberg if he wanted but she's a little old for you bud. He won't tell me his man crush but its probably Simon Robinson. I can speak for a lot of guys when I say Joseph is the only man most guys would be homosexual for.

Daily Life
Every morning Joseph Wakes up at 3:00. He then spends two hours on his hair, and brushes his eyebrows backwards. And then does 500 push ups. Afterwards, he plays soccer with the Barcelona team until it is time to go to school. When he gets home there are lines of chicks in his driveway, all asking for kisses. Joseph tells them no because if he were to kiss them, it would be the best thing that would every happen to them and everything else in their lives would be miserable in comparison.

Hopes and Dreams
His hopes and dreams died a long time ago along with his chances with Nina.