User:Jpeashoes/Orans/Olivia Jameson Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jpeashoes


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Jpeashoes/Orans


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Orans

Evaluate the drafted changes
The preexisting lead is effective and detailed enough to serve its purpose without being overly in-depth-- no revisions appear to be necessary. The added content on the presence of female orans is effective, and could be even more beneficial if you provide evidence of female orans depictions in art based on your sources so that the piece of information can be attributed to concrete scholarly work. The expanded information on female orans could then be put in the history section rather than the art section since it provide important historical context.

In the context of the paragraph you revised, it feels as though your added sentence should be split up. The first point you make states that other scholars disagree with the metaphorical claims about the orans pose-- I would love some evidence on that. The following piece of information about female orans depictions indicating female church leadership seems like it is branching off into a new topic and could warrant a new paragraph to allow you to go further in depth rather than trying to combine your two interesting, but slightly different, points into one sentence.

This is a small revision to the original article, but the opening sentence doesn't read as neutral to me-- in your revisions, you may consider altering it to say something like: "One piece of evidence that has been interpreted as demonstrating the connection of orans to the soul..." so that we avoid trying to convince the reader of anything (I know it wasn't your writing, but it would improve the overall article quality).

Your bibliography seems to be full of relevant and academic sources, and I would love to see more of those ties into your work as you continue to expand the article!

Your revisions are helpful to my own work because, in reading through yours, it has helped me reflect and brainstorm on places where we can move topics to different sections of the article where they may be more beneficial, and where we can justify creating new paragraphs/sections entirely based on the research we complete.