User:Jshelby9/Pitt–Hopkins syndrome/Ctom1999 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Jshelby9


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Jshelby9/Pitt%E2%80%93Hopkins_syndrome?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Pitt–Hopkins syndrome

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hey Jackie,

These are some of my notes and observations on your draft. Along with that, I've also provided some ways in which you can add to/edit your article.


 * GENERAL OBSERVATIONS
 * In your draft, I'm a bit confused as to where the "Commonly Reported Dysmorphic Characteristics in Children" section is supposed to be placed in the article. Do you intend to make it it's own header, with the listed traits being placed within it that segment, or is this going to be a subsection of another portion of the article?
 * What are the additions being made with the "Adults with PTSH" section? I see you've carried over information from the parent article and placed it under this subheading. Is this just for organizational purposes or do you also plan on adding additional information here?


 * LEAD
 * Though the lead is strong is some areas and contains concepts relevant to the article, there is much more that needs to be added here. The "Signs and Symptoms", "Genetics", "Diagnosis", "History", and "Treatment" all need to be addressed in the lead if they are to remain in the article.
 * The last sentence needs to be edited. When describing epidemiology, using percentages when describing results (instead of ratios in this instance) makes for much easier reading.
 * CONTENT
 * As it stands now, I think the content of the article is both relevant to the topic and quite informative. With that being said, there are some additions that could make it stronger.
 * I think you should add an epidemiology section somewhere in the article. Not only does this provide further context to the prevalence of PTSH, but it also allows you to cover equity gaps by discussing how different populations are affected by the disease.
 * In the "Treatment" section, I think the descriptions of the modes of treatment should be much more substantial. As it stands now, it's a bit difficult to grasp exactly what the treatments are and how they alleviate symptomology with such sparse descriptions.
 * Likewise, the "History" portion could also be beefed up. The current article only has two sentences regarding the historical context of the disease, one of which isn't even sourced. Looking more into the background of PTSH may be an area to look into when drafting. Also, the last sentence in the section ,"The boy was brought to Britain in 1725 as a feral child", doesn't really seem relevant to the information that proceeds it. Unless additional context can be provided here, I would delete this.
 * ORGANIZATION
 * Overall organization of the article is fairly decent currently. Going from symptoms, to diagnosis, to treatment, feels like a natural and logical progression.
 * If I were to provide one critique, I would say that the formatting in some sections is a bit strange. For example, in the "Signs and Symptoms" section, the first sentences are formatted as three separate lines. Unless these are meant to be bullet points, they should all be one the same line.
 * SOURCES AND REFERENCES
 * Most of the sources that are listed are up to date and relevant to the topic. With that being said, Sources 1, 5, 7, and 11 need to be reevaluated as they appear to be quite old.
 * Many of the claims found throughout the article have no sources. I think it would be a good idea to look for information found in these claims and provided more references
 * In your draft, I see that you've found a relatively recent, secondary source. This is great! However, with it being the only source listed so far, make sure to find other sources as well.