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Tend and Befriend

Tend and Befriend is linked with the term Fight or Flight. However, they are completely different responses. Fight or Flight is mainly a response to threat; while Tend and Befriend is a response to stress.

Fight or Flight is associated with adrenaline. When you have the symptoms that adrenaline typically give you, you are more likely to do one of the two, fight or flight. According to Shelley E. Taylor, this threat response is more commonly found in animals rather than human beings.

Tend and Befriend is more commonly found in human beings as response to stressful situations. The Need for affiliation is also linked with the tend and befriend response. For example, if you are stressed about an upcoming test or exam, instead of running from the situation (flight) or trying to get out of the test (fight), you’d gather a group of classmates to be in a study group of some sort to help better your chances of a good grade on the test.

The tending aspect of the response deals more with offspring and nurturing. It goes back to basic survival instincts and protecting ones young. Women tend to be more affiliative than men by a large amount.

When men befriend they want to establish themselves as in place of hierarchy with the new found friend, while women seem to be less concerned about the so called “chain of command”. This may be due to the relationship between affiliation and Oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a hormone that is released when the body is undergoing stress. It works by bringing stress levels down, relaxes the body, and also makes you seek social help or assistance. Oxytocin is linked to Estrogen, which obviously women have more of so therefore the affiliation is higher in women. It has also been coupled to the aspect of tending between mother and child.