User:Jtvndw/Ebers Papyrus/Smaxforbe Peer Review

General info
Jtvndw
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Jtvndw/Ebers Papyrus
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Ebers Papyrus

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really like the additions you guys are starting to make. It's extremely relevant to the article and not covered to its full potential yet. Is this the only segment being added? If not and looking to add something then I would suggest adding some examples of insect repellents. The sentence in the actual article "Several examples of such repellents can be found in the text." leaves examples hanging but that's just an idea if you're looking for words to add.

I would suggest working on a uniform voice throughout your additions. I can notice the different voices in each of your additions when looking at it. For example, Editinglad writes in a manner of present tense and is more of a tutorial. Jtvndw writes what Egyptians would do and also describes what the treatment would do. A common voice would make the article/segment easier to read instead of jumping around from second person to third person (in my opinion at least). (Also in my opinion) I prefer third person when skimming around these additions (easier in my opinion to read and take in).

A thought to maybe add is context behind certain terms such as "Myrrh, Verdugris, or Calamine." In the actual article, "It is not known what "asit" is." gives a little bit of clarity to these unknown objects. (I could just be dumb and not know what some of these terms are but it leaves me a little curious of what treatment would consist of)(The reader could also just look these up but this is just a thought if looking to add something)

One typo that might have been overlooked is the spelling of "ingriedients" under the Bleary eyes segment.

Overall I really like where you guys are going with this article. Your additions are going to add a lot of value to readers wanting to understand the topic and see examples of it.