User:JudeAVM/Mycoplasma pneumonia/H2012AL Peer Review

General info
JudeAVM
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JudeAVM/Mycoplasma_pneumonia?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Mycoplasma pneumonia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Great work! I have a few tips that may be helpful for you.

When reading the first paragraph of your draft, I noticed the sentences were very short, I would suggest to make the sentences "flow" better together. With that I mean, I think it might sound better and more professional to combine the first two sentences, keeping all of the same information.

This suggestion may be a little controversial but using other words like infection instead of using M. Pneumonia multiple times within a few sentences. Also, Pneumonia should be capitalized I believe.

Also, I noticed that the organization of the information could be put together a little more cohesive. What I mean by that is, the first sentence used goes more along with the information in the second paragraph. The last few sentences of the first paragraph would maybe fit better with your third and fourth paragraphs, just to make the information flow a little easier.

Otherwise, references look great and the information provided is great information to add.