User:JudyMiao/Open Smart City/Lokio2021 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

JudyMiao


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:JudyMiao/Open_Smart_City&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template&redirect=no


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Open Smart City: Lead


 * "An open smart city is a city that integrates citizens and private sectors participating and collaborating with the public sector for fair and transparent governance for managing data to an open extent". This sentence is a bit unclear. Try playing around with clauses to organize sentence structure and communicate the message clearer.
 * Embedded citations needed, even when paraphrasing work that is not your own. 2nd, 4th, and 5th sentences are missing embedded citations.
 * Right now, this lead feels like a bullet point summary of each article section. There is no logical flow to the sentences as they go from one idea to another with no connection. Try to connect the information so the summary flows.
 * "Open smart city as an extension of the smart city. The open smart city involves open government, open technology, open system and service,  open standard, and open management." This could go at the beginning of your lead to provide some context. I would also define what a smart city is so the reader can differentiate between that and an open smart city.

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Data


 * "Data management is the most crucial component in public profits of organizing data in an open smart city, and citizens have the right and responsibility to access and control their own data." Why is it most crucial? Why do citizens have those rights and responsibilities? Right now, you are making a very general claim, try to explain the "why" a bit more to further understanding. Embedded citation is also needed.
 * "Government and social data are shared with the public, involving energy, healthcare, finance, technology, residence, environment, infrastructure, etc." And? What significance does this have to data and open smart cities?

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Governance


 * "The administration is visible, free and openly accessible, equitable, and moral". What administration? What does this entail/look like? And why is it important to Open Smart Cities?
 * "The standards are available primarily from the technical field, such as smart technology.". What standards? How does this relate to governance and why is it important? Embedded citation is also needed.

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Innovative Solution


 * "Technologies facilitate innovative strategies and solutions, and the open smart city requires more critical professionals for a justifiable scheme." Why are innovative solutions needed? How do technologies facilitate this? What justifiable scheme? Embedded citation is also needed.

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Participation & Collaboration


 * Are individuals/citizens the only participants? Who do they interact and collaborate with and why? How does this participation and collaboration contribute to open smart cities?
 * Embedded citations are needed for both sentences.

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Open-technology & System


 * "The technological system and data are open resources with standards in public for innovation, modification, and operation in an effective environment." What system? What standards? What is an effective environment? Why is this important and how does it contribute to open smart cities?
 * Embedded citation is needed.

Open Smart City: Main Characteristics: Co-construction & Sharing


 * "Manually establishing and utilizing infrastructures develops versatility and commonality between communities." How? Using what tools and technologies? Why is this important to open smart cities?

Open Smart City: Open Smart City Projects: Open North


 * Capitalize "a" at beginning of section
 * Double check spelling --> "an open city  imitative  [initiative] promotes"
 * "For instance, an open city imitative promotes that low-income citizens utilize open technology to allow them to participate in beneficial services such as education and employment in the city of Calgary during the COVID-19 pandemic, but with urban financial challenges with developing" This sentence is very confusing to follow, the message is unclear. Try to restructure the sentence with clauses and improve flow.
 * Embedded citations are also needed.

Open Smart City: Open Smart City Projects: Metaverse


 * Embedded citations are needed.
 * Overall, this section lacks flow and clarity. There are different tenses used in the same sentences, grammar is incorrect and there are a couple spelling mistakes. Try to rewrite this using clauses to connect ideas and improve the flow of information.

Open Smart City: Limitations


 * There are no citations for this entire section. Embedded citations are needed, even when paraphrasing work that is not your own.
 * "The government is responsible for establishing a regulatory body to create and regulate privacy policies because of the temptation for private companies profits." This sentence is unclear. Create privacy policies to regulate and protect what? Data? Are you trying to say private companies are tempted to exploit personal data and regulatory bodies are needed to monitor profit driven motivations and avenues of exploitations?
 * " Pcrivacy  [Privacy] laws possess privacy standards for how public and private sectors regulate, collect and share personal data appropriately."

General Comments:


 * I think this is a great start to your article. You have touched upon many important characteristics and provided a great starting point.
 * Much of your writing can be unclear at certain points due to grammatical errors, sentence structure, incorrect use of clauses and spelling mistakes. One suggestion I always recommend is reading your sentence/paragraph out loud after writing it, that way you can get a better sense of how it flows, if its too wordy/lengthy, if ideas connect, and so on.
 * I would also expand on each of your points. Right now you give a general overview with very brief information points that leave a lot of unanswered questions. I would suggest expanding a bit more and providing more context.
 * Additionally, there seems to a lack of overall connection. At certain points, I find myself asking, how is this connected to the topic (Open Smart Cities)? Why is this important? When writing, try to make sure your points relevance and importance is clear to your topic and has a logical connection.