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MICHAEL NELSON

For other people named Michael Nelson, you're wasting your time.

Michael Nelson (born on December 2, 1986) is a Jeopardy Champion and basically the last of the truly great American heroes. He currently resides in Geneva, Illinois and works as an aerospace engineer for United Airlines, but he has also makes intermittent appearances on national television, to include Jeopardy and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Early Years
Michael Nelson was born in Kansas City, Missouri, the youngest of three children of William and Barbara Nelson. He grew up in San Antonio, Texas where he read a lot of Calvin & Hobbes and later FoxTrotand became an avid fan of The Simpsons. He attended Encino Park Elementary and Barbara Bush Middle School and quickly demonstrated the dry wit and poise that would carry him to fame later in life. For example, on the fateful Christmas morning of 1991 Michael dodged a Nerf arrow shot by his older brother, John Nelson, allowing the Nerf arrow to switch on the lights and John to make an hilarious face for all of America to see.

During these formative years Michael competed in the typical array of American sports such as baseball, football, and basketball. One summer he tried his hand at swimming--a sport to which his older siblings had migrated--but at age 9 the precocious Michael withdrew after a crucial strategic accord made with his coach fell apart at the last minute.

This theme would follow the young Michael Nelson to Ronald Reagan High School, where he joined the cross country and tracks teams and met his archenemy, Coach Alvarez. This unpleasantness aside, Mike developed into one hell of a runner, clocking a mile in 4 minutes 42 seconds. Though undeniably intelligent, for many years Michael showed little interest in the morass of proper academics. In a telling incident, Michael simply resubmitted the intricate model lower skeletal system that his older brother had spent countless hours carving only a few years before. Despite receiving this strong classical education in the American public school system, it is rumored that, to this day, Michael Nelson has never voluntarily read a book, prepared his own non-microwavable meals, or done his own laundry.