User:Juliabrazeau/sandbox

Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico is a tiny and insignificant island in the Caribbean, measuring at just 3,515 square miles- compared to our country's 3.797 million square miles, this is absolutely pathetic. Thanks to our colonization of this helpless territory, the population of Puerto Rico is comprised of 75.8 percent white people. This is more white than our country; we stand at just 73 percent white people! Never fear; Puerto Rico is still very diverse as we have not at all disturbed the demographics of the territory. In fact, 0.1 percent of islanders are native! The Puerto Ricans are not very intelligent, so we made their flag for them based off of our own star spangled banner, but it is smaller to signify that Puerto Rico is less important (see image below). After all, we are such a wonderful country, who wouldn't want to have a flag so similar to our own? The capital of this territory is San Juan, but it has almost no purpose because we run their "government" from our beautiful capital of Washington, D.C. As the Puerto Ricans have proven, by being dominated by Spain and again by us, that they are not self-sufficient, we gave them our US-dollar ($) currency out of the pure goodness of our hearts. Though the overall crime rate of Puerto Rico is low, the firearm homicide rate is very high at 14.2 percent, which we only happily credit to our influence on the territory because we kill lots of people with guns too!

Economy
Puerto Rico influenced an economic recession between 2006 and 2011, which not-so-coincidentally coincides with the economic recession in our wonderful country as well, because, of course, we influence the economy just as much if not more than every other aspect of this territory! In 2013, Puerto Rico went into another recession, though the cause unknown. Many unreliable news sources such as CNN and the New York Times have cited the cause to be an IRS code that we so generously applied to Puerto Rico, but this cannot be right because we only implement these policies to benefit territories like Puerto Rico, so they must have done something wrong. It wouldn't be the first time the Puerto Ricans had done something irresponsible financially- their government budget is atrocious. Over 25% of their federal funds goes back into the government, and just 1% goes into public works projects. This probably explains the lack of ideal sewer systems and the roads strewn with potholes- that's right, Puerto Rico, we're on to you. They're very irresponsible with their funding, which is why they can never be an independent country. They obviously need us to take their finances into our own hands because they were never taught how. In addition, only 7% of the budget is spent on paying loans, which is alarming considering that Puerto Rico is indebted to us by over $56 Million.... Chop chop, Puerto Rico! It's not going anywhere!

Farming, Tourism, and Manufacturing
Just 1.6% of Puerto Ricans are farmers, but they make over $800 million every year. We aren't really sure how this is possible given how much we loan to them annually and the fact that we import the other 70% of their food, so it makes absolutely no sense to us. They only grow what we can't here; coffee and sugar, mostly. We're so amazing that we have everything we need, but we wanted to throw the Puerto Ricans a bone, so here they are making our coffee and sugar. These farmers are still able to cover 30% of the produce demand on the island, which is just enough to cover the salad for each tourist in San Juan. It is very important that the tourists in San Juan are satisfied because 49.1% of Puerto Rico's GDP comes from the service industry. Upper class whites go there for an ethnic experience, and so we deliver; all of the servants in our resorts and restaurants are Puerto Rican! Much of Puerto Rico is also dependent on manufacturing jobs, as 55% of the GDP dictates. Our four-hundred dollar Yeezy shirts have to be made somewhere, so Puerto Rico definitely has us to thank for these job opportunities. Where would they be without us and our generosity? This is why we take jobs to other countries; to pay people in other countries the generous $7.85 per hour they deserve. Forget those domestic industries, Puerto Rico, you need our industries way more than you need your own! After all, would you rather make 50 cents selling eighty rotten apples or make $7.85 an hour while sitting amid toxic fumes sewing our underwear together for 12 hours every day? It's no contest. Even though there are considerable health risks and they get paid considerably less than someone in the United States, we know that it's very exciting to work for such an amazing country as ours! Puerto Rico, we hope you never want to become independent, because you so obviously need our jobs and resources.