User:JulianB2024/Ethnic cleansing in Bhutan/Eks 295 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

JulianB2024


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JulianB2024/Ethnic_cleansing_in_Bhutan?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, I think you did a really good job on this draft! It was clear, concise, and I could follow all of your information very clearly. I'm not sure if you created this page or if you're building on another one, but either way, I think this is a great introduction. I think what was easiest for me was to read the structure, and I think the results of the ethnic cleansing portion added great context to the document. You did a good job in not being biased in your sources, and the information you added made a lot of sense in the context of the topic. If there was one thing I would adjust, I would say to make the results section a little more clear and focus. I understand why you added it, but it feels as though there are several smaller details that don't connect. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you might want to consider splitting the results section into other, smaller sections, like maybe "Political Repercussions" or "Social Effects" just to categorize a little bit neater. For example, the line about women that you attributed to your second source was good, but I was a little confused about why it was added there in particular since it felt a little out of place. Also, I liked your lead section, but maybe by adding a few more sentences, it would provide greater context for the rest of the article. I know that you didn't write this part so this isn't on you, but I think I personally might like just one or two extra lines describing the status of the Lhotshampa people. Otherwise, I think the paper was very well organized and you did a really great job!