User:Juliancamilo17/Industrial Revolution in the United States/BenFilangeri Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Julian Camilo)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Juliancamilo17/Industrial_Revolution_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Industrial Revolution in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
Julian does a great job in adding context to the entry for the Industrial Revolution. Julian does a great job staying neutral in the matter and not showing any of his bias. He lays out both pros and cons on the Industrial Revolution mostly pertaining to how the revolution effected the lower working class as well as children in urban areas. I do have a few points of contention as I believe Julian is a very skilled writer, bolstering a large vocabulary that some may find difficult to comprehend. This is of no fault of Julian but it is something I picked up on. Also there seemed to be a few run on sentences which I am sure can be trimmed very nicely. The content added does a good job in showcasing the effects the Industrial Revolution had on the average working man and family and I look forward to seeing the completed work. The biggest thing I do believe needs fixing is he just needs to move his entry down into the actual article editing area and add his lead and resources. This is minor stuff and doesn't effect the content which I truly believe to be superb.