User:Jusdroptrou

Louis Max Fitzsimmons

Born on 16th July 1988, Louis was always an intrinsic part of society donating fish-heads to orphans and spearheading the Brit-pop culture of the 90’s from the tender age of 4. However it wasn’t until early 2006 that he truly made a name for himself in the world.

It was in 2006 that he met his long-lost-never-actually-gone brother/friend Joel. After multiple Jam sessions and countless failures with other musicians they became Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, and “Rocked cold hard ass!”  Irony

Joel has had £100’s spent on guitar lessons but ended up playing drums for the band, being initially taught by Satan, in “Satan’s School of Rock” before being kicked out for being to much of a bad ass. He now takes lessons from God (Louis).

Juxtaposed entirely is Louis’s musical career. AS is typical with anything to do with these brothers Louis was taught drums from an early aged by a decrepit geriatric overweight lesbian with a lisp, before deciding to learn the bass for a GCSE music exam. After experimenting with slap funk and seals Louis decided to broaden his horizons and pick up a guitar. Upon the first note Louis played he managed to cure small pox and now is forced into a perpetual ritual of playing guitar for at least half an hour everyday in order to keep the problems of the disease at bay.

Previous Bands Louis has previously been in:

Swollen Jubilees

Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters

Oli and the Smash Brothers

Kiss

Queen

G4 (he is not proud)

Joel has previously been in:

The Village People

Instruments and equipment

Louis plays a 1968m BC Fendepithonibanezocastibsonlespaul signature plugged into a Marshashdownine6 Amp through an actual real baby who he slides under his foot and stamps on its head to make it cry.

It is the kind of amp you have to leave in a darkroom for two weeks every time you play it to let it cool down. The kind of setup that makes u cry tears of joy when u play it. Louis has to regularly feed it priceless artwork. And it bites strangers. And it runs of unicorns tears. And rainbows. And Glass, crushed by a thousand tiny midgets with bare fee. And the blood of 1000 virgins per note it produces.

The guitar strings are made of silk from the queen silk worm, that only produces silk once every 10000 years. Hand woven by the last Mohican into strings. Dipped in 99 year old port and licked by beautiful fair maidens kept prisoner by 200ft dragons. The pick ups where melted in the centre of the earth from pure Mithril and the guitar is built around the heart of wizard made wit wood from the centre of a two thousands year old oak tree, laminated with king Georges cum and finally laid to rest for a thousand years.

Joel plays a child’s drum kit brought from Argos for £30. It’s not particularly brilliant, in fact it he doesn’t even play it, he just sits behind it and makes the noises.