User:JusttheletterE/Bilbo's rain frog/RandomCitizen27 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

JusttheletterE


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:JusttheletterE/Bilbo's_rain_frog?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Bilbo's rain frog

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi there! I was fairly nit-picky when I reviewed yours but its because you did such a great job! I read through what you added to the published article before hand and your edits are fantastic! You did a great job fixing up there grammar and even inserted sources and links to other pages; very well done! In your sandbox draft I mostly suggested alternative ways to phrase sentences to make their meaning more clear, point out some typos, and suggest ideas for more content. I think the most important thing you can do is add more information to your behavior section because it is the most pertinent section to this course and ultimately our grades. I really like the addition of tables into the article, too. Over all, very well done job! (I am also very glad that I now know there is a frog named after Bilbo Baggins, so thank you for gracing me with that :).

Lead:

There is no need for brackets around the scientific name. If you are concerned about confusion then I'd suggest: Bilbo’s rain frog (Breviceps bagginsi) is…”. I recommend removing the comma after Brevicipitidae to make the sentence flow more nicely. In the same sentence, I recommend saying "and is endemic to South Africa" to remove any ambiguity over whether the family is endemic to south Africa or if the frog is.

I take it that the burrowing lifestyle also influenced its name, so I would suggest adding that in too! (if you can find a source for that, of course). It would be good to add in to the lead that this toad burrows because it is a fairly important detail to other sections in your paper. You may also want to add that it is an insectivore.

Add a comma after “as a result.”

Degradation is spelt incorrectly as “degredation.”

“sylviculture” should be spelled as “silviculture” as that is how it is spelt in the link to the Wikipedia article on the subject.

I noticed in the original article all of these sentences are cited. I would recommend adding those citations back in because its good to know where this information comes from. Without the citation I would be skeptical over where the name of the frog came from.

Description:

“and was” or “that was” discovered in 2003 (otherwise it sounds like the family was discovered in 2003 rather than the frog).

What is characteristic about the tympanic membrane?

If possible you may consider adding a picture of its eye/pupil shape.

What are “sphenethmoids?”

“’'Breviceps bagginsi’' has a black stripe running from it's eye to the origin of it's arm.” Is this still on its ventrum?

“lack sphenethmoids. and a middle ear ”: Revise the punctuation in this sentence. There is a period after sphenethemoids but none after middle ear.

Distribution and habitat

“Often inhabited areas are occupied by around 20-30 frogs. ” try instead: “Inhabited areas are often occupied by around 20-30 frogs. ” I also suggest adding in the point from the "status" section about how the populations are often too far apart to inter-mingle because it’s related to their distribution.

Behavior

I really like that you broke this in to subsections!

Sexual behavior

“As a member of the genus Breviceps, Breviceps bagginsi shows sexual dimorphism, meaning the males are much smaller than the females. ” This sentence is misleading because sexual dimorphism does not mean that females are larger than males, it just means that there are identifiable differences in body form between different sexes in the same species. I would change this to make the meaning of this sentence more clear. Also, if all species in this genus have enlarged females than it is fine to say “as a member of the genus breviceps,” but it would be more clear if directly stated that all species within this genus have larger females.

I really like the detail you added to the breeding portion about their nests! Is there a name for this type of amplexus? what types of ground do they like to burrow in? (I know they live in grasslands, but do they have any preference for spots to nest more specific than just "grasslands?" Do they prefer to be around trees or a pond?

If possible, it would be cool to add a sound recording of the frog's call, but I recognize that is a tall order and may be fairly difficult to find a royalty-free non-copyrighted version.

Regarding the sentence: “Males produce their mating call while underneath vegetation to protect them from the heat, due to this mating calls last longer during wet weather. ” Consider breaking this sentence in to two because there needs to be a comma after "do to this" which would introduce a comma splice. I suggest changing “Males produce their mating call while underneath vegetation to protect them from the heat, due to this mating calls last longer during wet weather. ” to the following: Males produce their mating call while underneath vegetation to protect them from the heat. Because of this, mating calls last longer during wet weather.

"Breeding occurs in subterranean nests, during spring and summer. " remove the comma (and remove the spaces before the citation numbers). "Offspring hatches fully developed from eggs directly. " should be "offspring hatch"

When do they mate and lay eggs, when do they hatch? Do they have any parental instincts? (like how some bull frogs stay with the tadpoles to ensure their survival).

You may also want to add a picture of the frogs in "amplexus."

You could reorganize this section so that it is breeding call ==> type of amplexus/adhesion ==> development of eggs and hatching.

At what life stage do they leave the nest? (it says they leave once they're fully "mature", but how long does it take for them to mature? How long does it take for the toads to mature? What is their life span?

Burrowing behavior and defense behavior

Add a comma after “much like other the members of Breviceps” and re-type it so it says “much like the other members” (right now it says much like   other   the members).

I highly recommend hyperlinking to the loam Wikipedia page (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loam) because most people don’t know what loam is.

Ensure all breviceps bagginsi’s are italicised.

Do their burrows have any particular shape? how deep are they? (Why have they evolved to burrow (i.e. what is the adaptive advantage behind it?).

Do these frogs hibernate?

Defense behavior doesn't seem to be related at all to their burrowing so I recommend splitting this into two separate sections, and then maybe finding a paper where they describe the defense behavior and in what context it used the defense behavior. (for example, explain the methods they used to elicit the defense behavior, what it was reacting to, etc. what their main predators are. You could also provide more detail on how they inflate themselves, and how much larger they get when they do this. You could also include if both males and females do this behavior.

Feeding behavior and diet

This section can use a lot more information, such as: how does it feed? Does it only eat termites or does it eat other insects as well? When do termites emerge? Is the frog nocturnal? Diurnal? What is it doing when it is not mating or eating? I would start by saying that it is an insectivore and then going in to the specifics about what it eats and when.

Status

Change "sylviculture" to silviculture.

what is occurence?

You may be able to add something about how they may be affected by climate change, but that it's not very pertinent to the course.

References

You have a very good list of references! Also, you did a good job referencing within your paragraphs (aside from your lead, see comment above:).

Other

I LOVE that you added the list of species in the genus!! The table doesn't look completely finished but it is a great idea. I’m a little confused as to what the “v t e” are there for. Also, it may be nice to add in a small description to the table saying that it is depicting the different species within the genus.

Also, I don’t know what “taxon identifiers” are but it seems like a great addition! If its possible to add a hyperlink to a “taxon identifiers” Wikipedia page, that may be nice, and more appropriate than the alternative of explaining what they are.

When you add these in to the actual article, most definitely put these tables before the references section.

Also! Rather than “categories,” perhaps consider calling it “See also.” I’ve noticed that it is a common way to link to related content on Wikipedia.

Great job!!!!!