User:Kahmilmo/Skin care/Krstrekh Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kahmilmo/Skin care


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kahmilmo/Skin_care?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Internet celebrity

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead is new content that was not yet added to the original article. There is not a clear introduction, it just jumps into facts right away about elderly skin care. This topic does not deal with equity gaps. The draft section you wrote is not talked about a lot, however, the topic of skin care is. The draft seems a little biased because you include words like “we”. I think with a fact driven paper it should not include the author in it. The source used is a .gov source and is a good source and reliable overall. It is a journal meaning many people have reviewed it and made edits. This means the source is fact based and not opinion based. The only downside is that it is not very recent. It was published in 2020 and a lot has changed since then. I would recommend finding a few more sources to strengthen your draft. This way your section will seem more well-rounded as well and less like your own opinion. The writing itself sounds very word for word. It would be best to use the information and make it into your own words. It seems like you are just listing random facts into one paragraph and it doesn’t seem to flow. The grammar is good and there appears to be no spelling errors.