User:Kaig2000/Down jacket/11boba Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kaig2000


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kaig2000/Down jacket
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Down jacket

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi! I really enjoyed reading your article, it was really interesting to learn more about the down jacket!

Content and Organization:

I think it would be cool if you did the wikilink (?) feature where the word links to another wikipedia page. I feel like Eddie Bauer and athleisure could definitely benefit from implementing that. I think the flow of the content works really well. I like how it goes from general, to early history, to contemporary implications.

I would say be more consistent with how you write the eras in years. Sometimes you write it '80s, 90's, or 2000s so it would be good to standardize that.

I think it would also be good to make edits to the lead section in the article since you're adding a new section and changing the structure of the article.

Sources and references:

I was wondering if the down jacket wiki was incorrect in stating that George Finch created the down jacket? I think it would be helpful to cite when you reference that Eddie Bauer created the design and maybe include the year if you can find it. I think it would be also cool to include how the eiderdown coat is different from a down jacket, I'm still a bit confused on that aspect. I can't really review your sources because I'm not sure if you use the same ones as the original article but I would say try to keep stuff that is able to be cited. I read some statements throughout the section that aren't cited and might get taken down by other Wikipedia users.

I think the sources in the wikipedia article itself make sense as this is a fashion article and slightly harder to find sources for. I think it would benefit the article if you were able to find a source about the information about Eddie Bauer since that was really integral to the article for me.

Tone:

I think overall your tone is really good but I would say be careful of erring on the side of sounding informal as things like "fantastic" when you mention "fantastic insulator" might get flagged. I might use a word like "efficient"? But this is just a suggestion :-^)

Overall Impressions:

Overall really good job! I really enjoyed reading the article and learned a lot of new interesting facts! I would say be careful about sourcing and make sure to cite every statement. Occasionally, I feel that the writing can err on the side of informal writing, so try to stick with a neutral or encyclopedic tone. I really liked the adjectives but I'm not sure if they suit the Wikipedia tone. Also with the first sentence in the last paragraph, I'm not entirely sure that's accurate. Recently the brown north face puffer coat was in style tremendously and that was in 2019-2020.