User:KatherineModrall/Maternal Health/Meholl Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

KatherineModrall


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:KatherineModrall/Maternal_Health?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Maternal health

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Kat! Great job! I felt that your group's edits to your page were concise yet very informative and easy to understand the significance of. You had good leading topic sentences for all of the subsections you added, giving an overview of what you would discuss/contribute to the subsection. The paragraphs were organized and had a good structure. You also relied a lot on sources and numbers, which I felt was reliable and demonstrated a neutral point-of-view while still conveying the urgency of maternal health disparities. You used these sources and evidence and then further synthesized/summarized the sources to explain exactly how it relates to the article and subsection topics.

The subsection additions were organized well and flowed with each other. One thing to keep in mind, though, is the transition between the "Statistics" and "Decline in MMR in Low and Lower-Middle Income Countries" sub-sections. While each section was well-written and important to include, it was a little bit confusing/contradictory because you detailed the high MMR in lower-income countries and used particular statistics to explain the direness of the situation, but then it seemed that you quickly jumped to talking about how MMR is improving. Maybe you can add an extra sentence to transition and acknowledge that current statistics are bad but that there is improvement and can continue to be improvement with proper actions or add some sentence of that sort. It is certainly important to talk both about failures in MMR and positive aspects of MMR trends, as that enhances the neutral view of your article and also will leave readers with some optimism and tangible recommendations for how to improve maternal health disparities in the future.

Another change you could apply to the article is slightly editing the lead paragraph of the article to include some reference to the content you added in your subsections. You have a lot of important statistics and qualitative information explaining various contributing factors and outcomes of maternal health issues, and it may be helpful to mention those in the lead paragraph to convey the significance of the issue earlier on. The current lead paragraph of the article defines maternal health and explains why it is important to talk about, but it does not mention disparities in maternal health amongst differing races or countries, and that is something that you could add.

Overall, I really liked your additions and learned a lot from reading through your edits! You wrote very smoothly and conveyed very important statistics and concepts in an easy-to-digest way. You summarized your sources well to describe maternal health disparities, explain factors causing such disparities, and potential recommendations to alleviate such disparities. The addition of the Statistics sections were really important to further back up points made in other parts of the article. I also liked how you used recent statistics and studies that are updated and still relevant. Your sources were solid, drawing from multiple comprehensive issue briefs and other numeric reports. Great work and I look forward to reading the finished product!!