User:Kayras

Emotional Intelligence: Are We Teaching It Effectively to Our Youth?

I am here to speak on emotional intelligence. The question is are we teaching it effectively to our youth?

Emotional intelligence is not a new concept; it was around as long ago as Socrates, who had these wise words of advice: Know Thyself. Hundreds of years later, we have begun to formalize Socrates' philosophies into what has become known as social and emotional learning.

Emotional intelligence is a better predictor of success than IQ and technical skills combined.

Picture this: A family of three, Ahmed, Sonia and their five year old son Omar.

Ahmed and Sonia have bought a new video game for Omar. As Omar starts to play, his parents over excitement and help get in the way.

Sonia shouts, Omar, move the joystick to the right ….no no STOP STOP STOP!

Sonia gets anxious and intent as Omar, confused and staring wide eyed at the video screen struggles to follow these directives.

See, you are not moving the controller properly shouts Ahmed, move it up! Meanwhile, Sonia, frustrated yells over Ahmed's voice, no Stop, Stop!

Omar, unable to please either mother or father, starts crying. His parents start bickering, ignoring Omar's tears; he is not moving the stick that much! Ahmed tells Sonia.

As the tears start rolling down Omars cheek, neither parent makes any move that indicates they notice or care. As Omar raises his hand to wipe out tears, his father snaps, put your hand back on the joystick and get ready to shoot!

By now, Omar is sobbing softly, alone with his anguish.

At such moments children learn deep lessons. For Omar, one conclusion from this painful exchange might be that neither his parents nor anyone else for that matter cares about his feelings. When similar moments are repeated countless times over the course of childhood they impart some of the most fundamental emotional messages of a lifetime – lessons that can determine a life course.

Family life is our first school for emotional learning.

It is here that we learn how to feel about ourselves and how others will react to our feelings; how to think about those feelings and what choices we have in reacting, how to read and express hopes and fears.

This emotional schooling operates not just through the things that parents say and do directly to children but also in the models they offer for handling their own feelings and those that pass between husband and wife.

There are consequences for lack of emotional intelligence:

Withdrawal or social problems: preferring to be alone; being secretive; sulking a lot; lacking energy; feeling unhappy; being overly dependent.

Remedy: Use "self talk" to encourage yourself; be your own best friend NOT your worst critic.

Attention or thinking problems: unable to pay attention or sit still; daydreaming; acting without thinking; being too nervous to concentrate; doing poorly on schoolwork; unable to get mind off thoughts

Remedy: Pay attention to strategies you can use to calm yourself and shift your mood from negative to positive. Try to make the best out of situations, no matter how negative they may seem.

Can emotional skills be taught in school? Yes, they can! But schools do not change so readily.

It is crucial to provide children with an environment that allows them to develop their social and emotional skills. In Pakistan, schools need to evolve over a period of time into places of social interaction as well as maintaining their learning agenda. The classroom and the playground are interesting social environments. Children learn important lessons in these social mixes.

As we all remember, report cards are one of the greatest sources of elation and despair in childhood. Those of us who see a bad grade as due to some personal flaw (I cant do math, I’m stupid) feel more depressed than those who explain in terms of something they could change (If I word harder on my math, I’ll get a better grade).

A key social ability is empathy, understanding each others feelings and taking their perspective and respecting differences in opinion.

Pakistan currently has one of the largest populations of young people in its history, with approximately 25 million people between the ages of 15 and 24. Through the decisions they make and the opportunities they are offered, this group will play a crucial role in the social, political, and economic development and stability of the country. Young people in this age group face a number of critical life decisions as they negotiate the transition to adulthood: choices about leaving school, becoming employed, taking on greater responsibility, choosing a spouse, and starting a family.

Are we bringing up our youth with all the cognitive skills but little or no social skills to succeed in today’s world?

I leave you with the hope that some day, and may that day arrive soon, Pakistanis will begin to fully understand the impact of imparting emotional intelligence to their offspring and the world at large.

Thank you.