User:Kcataudella/sandbox

Chinese immigrants have become the second largest foreign-born group in New York City behind the Dominican Republic. Approximately twelve percent of New York City's population was born in the Dominican Republic, totaling about 380,000 people. In second place, approximately 11 percent of New York City's population was born in China, totaling to about 350,000 people. China, however, had the largest source of immigrants within Brooklyn. Chinese immigrants made up approximately 14 percent of Brooklyn's population, totaling to about 129,000 people. Bensonhurst specifically contained about 78,000 of those immigrants, making Bensonhurst's total population 53 percent foreign-born. The Avenue U Chinatown has the most pronounced and quickest growing Chinese population in all of New York City.

Though Brooklyn's Avenue U has the largest Chinese population in all of New York City, the street itself is a cultural gold mine. The Cantonese influence is visibly laced throughout the shops and restaurants on Avenue U. In addition, there are Italian, Mexican, Russian, Vietnamese, Uzbek, and more markets and restaurants scattered along the street. Culturally, Avenue U has hosted more than Chinese immigrants, moving from Jewish to Irish and Italian to Russian to Chinese and Mexican immigrants alike. With each wave of new immigrants, the old culture will find a new place within New York to settle.

Middle-class immigrants populate Gravesend, one section in which Avenue U is located. These immigrants pay upward of $600,000 to live close to their relatives. Jewish, Irish, and Italian families most of all populate the Sephardic community. At the same time, Chinese, Mexican, Russian, and Lebanese immigrants also live in Gravesend.

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Mark Perry, peer reviewer

use of passive voice: first sentence,"have become", should be changed to past or present

3rd line, "totaling about 380,000 people" instead of "to about"

3rd and 4th line, when did they have these amounts of immigrants, what date? would add strength and specificity

7th line, good sentence but run on "throughout the shops and restaurants.... ", could be split up into 2 sentences

Last two setences are good but a little choppy, but use some reworking

Overall very interesting and engaging article, the sources used are relevant and good quality. There might need to be more sources for some of the accounts, such as the restaurants on Avenue U and some census data would also be good. The New York Times works but it would be strengethed by a census data article, so it becomes more objective. The style is captivating and should be continued. The article flows well, while needs some little tweaks, and creates the dialogue through the information. I would recommend two or more sources to strengthen the content, but keep up the style and writing throughout.

Mark Perry ~

Hi Mark,

Thank you so much for both the grammar and content edits! They're much appreciated. I am happy with my first sentence and the use of "have become" because it shows that Chinese immigrants have not always been as prominent as they are today. Also, that sentence does not use passive voice. Your other grammatical edits are very helpful, and I edited according to your suggestions. I can already see a difference in the article's clarity, so thank you!

A census data article is a great idea that would definitely add strength and credibility. I will begin researching one of these to bring an additional source into the article.

Thanks again! - Kimberly