User:Kchiuc/Robert Sobukwe/GRogers3 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kenneth: @Kchiuc


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kchiuc/Robert_Sobukwe?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Robert Sobukwe

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hey Kenneth! Here's my peer review of your article. Great job!

Lead

Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
 * Yes.
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic?
 * Yes. I like how your lead sentence effectively summarizes Sobukwe's major achievements in a succinct way, especially how you change the phrasing from the original article from "political dissonent," which I feel has more negative connotations, to "anti-apartheid revolutionary."
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
 * Yes, you make sure to touch on all of the major sections present in your article.
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article?
 * No.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?
 * While I think your lead does a great job summarizing the major elements of your article, I wonder if you could shorten the first sentence in the second paragraph even further. Maybe refrain from talking about how he defines "African," which, while important, could maybe be shortened/excluded from the intro. Also, I think you could clean up this sentence: "In 1963, the enactment of the "Sobukwe Clause" an indefinite renewal of his prison sentence, and he was subsequently relocated to Robben Island for solitary confinement." I'm a little confused about what your saying here in regards to the Sobukwe clause.

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic?
 * Yes. I'm seeing that a lot of the work you've done on this article builds on the information with the previous article, and you make sure to include much more sources to enhance the neutrality and reliability of the article. I especially like how you've divided the "Mainstream politics" section into subsections that clearer delineates the trajectory of Sobukwe's political career.
 * Is the content added up-to-date?
 * Yes. Looking at your sources, it's clear that most of the information you draw from is from the 21st century or late 1900s.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?
 * In terms of the structure of your article, I think you do a good job reorganizing the original to present the evolution of Sobukwe's life in chronological order. I wonder, though, if it would be worth giving a brief synopsis on his political ideology at the beginning of the manstream politics section, which might allow you the reader more background information on his political beliefs heading into the section. Especially since you talk about how he criticizes the ANC for being dominated by "liberal-left-multi-racialists" without giving much context about his position on the topic. Maybe move the first paragraph of the formation and ideology subsection up? Also, you reference a lot of terms (such as the Defiance Campaign, the ANC, and, in your introduction paragraph, pass laws) without providing context as to what they are, which I think would be helpful.
 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?
 * Yes it does. I especially like how you expanded substantially on the "Legacy" section of article to include his impact on the black liberation struggle and pan-africanism, not just superficial items like the names of buildings. I think, maybe, you could benefit from including more detail on how his actions and ideology shaped modern movements. I like how you mention the Black Consciousness movement in your Pan-Africanist Congress section, maybe you could include more examples like this and expand on how exactly these organizations were influenced by his ideology in the legacy section. You also end the Anti-Pass campaign subsection rather vaguely by saying "Other organizations were inspired by the actions of Sobukwe." I would expand on this or include specific examples.

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral?
 * There are instances where you lack citations to back up specific evidence, most notably in the last two paragraphs of the formation and ideology subsections, which doesn't cite any sources to back up your claims. Definitely insert citations into these sections, especially where you include direct citations, such as "self-identification." I think you would benefit from inserting citations after every paragraph to make it clear what you are referencing, which you sometimes don't include, such as in the Standerton section and the anti-pass section.
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
 * No, but again, your reliability and neutrality would be enhanced if you included more citations in certain sections.
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
 * Like I said before in the equity gaps question, I think you would benefit from adding more information on how his influence shaped organizations. This would not only help cement Sobukwe's position as an extremely important historical figure but shed light on other groups aimed at promoting equity.
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?
 * No. The tone of the article is extremely neutral and balanced and you refrain from supporting his position or expressly criticizing it.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information?
 * Like I mentioned before, there are areas of your article that aren't linked to a citation, which is super important to fix. You do a great job pulling from a wide variety of sources, though, which for the most part  super reliable. There is one instance, though, where you cite a journal of psychology (reference 13), when you say "As authorities recognized Sobukwe's deteriorating physical and mental health, he was released from Robben Island in 1969." You might want to refrain from including scientific studies as evidence in your article. you might be better off sticking with the one citation you reference here.
 * Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? (You'll need to refer to the sources to check this.)
 * Yes.
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic?
 * Yes, they are extremely thorough.
 * Are the sources current?
 * Yes, covering a broad range from the 1990s and 2000s.
 * Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible?
 * Yes, the sources include a braod range of scholars that include some historically marginalized individuals.
 * Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.)
 * There are some instances where you site articles that don't appear to be secondary, sych as "Robert Sobukwe: ‘There is only one race. The human race.’" which I think is an encyclopedic article, although I could be wrong. When I went to the source you cited, it didn't appear to have any citations itself, which doens't make it too reliable. I would try to find a more reliable source to replace this with.
 * Check a few links. Do they work?
 * The link to reference 9 didn't work for me, but the others I checked did.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read?
 * Yes, your writing is extremely clear and concise.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors?
 * In your introduction, I think it should be "an Africanist future." Also, maybe put quotation marks around "African" when you say "defining African as." Also, I think you capitalize pass laws later on in your article, so I would capitalize it in the intro. Also, maybe put commas in the sentence "his study of Native Administration, combined with his exposure to politics at Fort Hare, made Sobukwe more keen to the topic. I would fix this sentence: "in 1952; he wasSo, however, later reinstated." Also, I think Johannesburg is spelled with one s, not two, in your subtitle "Johannesburg: 1954-1959." "Lead" should be "led" in the sentence: "The fight in the ANC was brutal, causing a fair amount of violence which lead to the creation of the Pan-Africanist Congress." I think you're missing a "was" after "charged" in "Following Sobukwe's arrest after the Sharpeville massacre, he charged with and convicted of incitement, and sentenced to three years in prison." Also, there's a "continutes" in "In Sobukwe's 1959 PAC inaugural speech, he shared a sentiment that continutes to be quoted by anti-racism rhetoric in popular media." In general, I would also keep an eye out for inserting commas in places that they're needed.
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic
 * Yes, I really like the way your article is organized!

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete?
 * Yes, the content has greatly expanded on the original article. It includes a lot more information obtained from a larger variety of sources and it's much better organized.
 * What are the strengths of the content added?
 * I really like how you expanded on the early years of Sobukwe's life, which provided some great context for his political views and actions later on. I also love the additions to the Legacy section and really appreciate the organizational decisions you made to make the article more clear and easier to follow. You also did a good job expanding on the imprisonment section, which really served to emphasize the struggles experienced by Sobukwe and how powerful his journey has been.
 * How can the content added be improved?
 * I would expand slightly on the legacy section, tying in how his ideology and journey helped shape organizations such as the Black Consciousness Movement. Also, make sure to include more citations after paragraphs or thoughts to make sure the reader knows where to trace the information back to. I would also make sure to include more links to relevant wikipedia pages where there's room to. It might also be nice to include some more images or graphics about Sobukwe to make the article even more engaging and informative. Overall, great job!

~GRogers3