User:Keagan Beckner/Motionless in White/PumpkinBread11 Peer Review

General info
(provide username) Keagan Beckner
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing User:Keagan Beckner/Motionless in White:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists) Motionless in White:

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Keagan! The Lead has been updated very well. Its first sentence absolutely lets readers know what's to come and it is very concise. It might be beneficial to summarize the article's main sections as well. Your lead does not contain information that isn't present in the article, so great job on that!

The content is relevant to the topic and is up-to-date. I think all information included belongs there. This does not deal with a Wikipedia equity gap to my knowledge.

There is no bias here. At no point did Keagan mention his personal opinion of the group or anyone else's.

The YouTube video you linked is a great source. It is from Motionless in White's official YouTube page, so it's very credible. This might absolutely be because I'm not confident I know how to use this website, but I would also suggest linking the actual documentary as well as the "how we made it" video. The information added reflects the original source accurately. The link provided works and contains first-hand responses from band members regarding the documentary. Because you only have one source, I would recommend finding a few more.

As for your organization, everything you've written is very clear and concise. There is no flowery language and it is very easy to read. The information is broken into parts. There are no spelling or grammatical issues.

I know you didn't add images, but I would suggest doing so. Looking at the original Motionless in White Wikipedia page, there are very few images. The documentary is a great place to draw from when trying to add images.

I think what you have here is very good! I would just say to add a few more sources, a bit more information, and a few pictures. I think your writing was very clear and concise. Great work!