User:KeeganmQuack/National Assembly (Botswana)/Arkpear12 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

KeeganmQuack


 * Link to draft you're reviewing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User :KeeganmQuack/National_Assembly_%28Botswana%29?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * National Assembly (Botswana)

Response to Peer Review
Quickly, I just want to thank you for the review of my article. It was and will be very helpful as I continue to expand and edit my article. Overall, your suggestions were very specific and thorough. They will thus be extremely useful for addressing particular areas of my article. Over the past couple days (since I misunderstood the peer review response) I have found your suggestions easy and relevant to incorporate into my article. I especially appreciate your comments that pointed out redundancies and problems with capitalization. After reading through my article so many times, it becomes hard for me to notice these problems. Looking at the discrepancies in my capitalization was especially funny because it seems like I never consistently capitalized. I also appreciated your suggestions for clarification or for adding supplemental information to my article. These definitely helped me learn more about my topic, because it seems like ambiguity often occurred where my own knowledge gaps lie. However, there are some things, like the suggestion for addressing public opinion of elections, that I am still deciding whether or not to add. I am nervous that some of this might encroach upon other Wikipedia articles like "Elections in Botswana." The only suggestion that I might ask for you to explain in more detail would be "Clarify why it matters whether the president holds a majority in the voting system." Which voting system are you referring to? Are you referring to a majority in the National Assembly? Finally, I also want to address the comment which came from both you and my other peer reviewer about the possible spelling error with the word "Batswana." In the articles that I read from African scholars, the word Batswana replaces the anglicized demonym Botswanan. However, I then read an interesting article which argues for Botswanan since Batswana means "of Tswana" and not everyone in Botswana is Tswana. I have since replaced Batswana with Botswanan, but I am not sure if I have made the right decision. Once again, thank you so much and good luck with the rest of your article.

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Michael,

This is a wonderful start! This article is clearly well thought out, thorough, and in conversation with other similar Wikipedia pages. A fantastic start!

Lead
 * Really good and succinct lead linking to other relevant pages
 * Because so much of the article focuses on history, I would briefly add one to two sentences around the history of its formation (can expect that at least 50% of people who read your page won’t read past lead so consider necessary context)

Structure/Clarity


 * Great job hyper linking to other relevant wiki articles- clearly showing that this is part of a larger dialogue surrounding Botswana governance structures
 * Can omit the “article body” section. Begin with “Role of National Assembly” and omit the functioning section after (redundant and doesn’t stand alone as a section)
 * Keep capitalization consistent throughout (sometimes National Assembly is treated as a proper noun, sometimes it is not)
 * The National Assembly is mainly a legislative body- could be helpful to explicitly state that in the “Functioning” section
 * Keep consistency in tense (“enter” vs “do enter”)
 * Clarify why it matters whether the president holds a majority in the voting system
 * Is there an openly democratic way to elect a president or do all elections happen internally?
 * Create separate public opinion subheading
 * Check for spelling (Botswana vs Batswana)
 * Is parliament a proper noun? Also is it singular or plural? Stay consistent in how you modify it depending on these designations
 * Check for punctuation (missing some commas in Pre-Colonial and Colonial Era section and in Post-Independence section)
 * A little confused about what this sentence is trying to say: “It was not until 1919, however, that a predecessor to centralized self-rule arrived with the establishment of a Native Advisory Council in 1919.”
 * Avoid phrases like “when in March of 2020” and say instead “in March of 2020”

Balanced Coverage


 * Good job balancing praise Botswana National Assembly has received with criticism
 * Emphasize partisan connectedness between nat assembly and president multiple times- see if you can try to reduce redundancy or state claim from different angles
 * The female component of this is fascinating! Thanks for including it in your article!
 * On the whole, information is well balanced. Could talk more about any election public opinions if you want, similarly to how you discussed criticisms within the National Assembly

Neutral Content


 * Who are outside observers? Is it the West? International audiences? What might be their inherent biases to make such positive claims?
 * Who holds anxiety about presidential power and checks and balances? Is it the general public or a small subset? Why might this anxiety be occurring?
 * Why did Botswana receive so little colonial attention from the British? What colonies this relative to?
 * Who are whites in reference to? This seems like slightly dated language?
 * Look out for phrases like “there exists anxiety”- immediately calls to questions like, anxiety from whom? It’s an emotionally loaded term in what is meant to be a normative piece so perhaps try to find synonyms

Sources/References


 * Opinion polls all come from the same reference. Is this reference reliable enough/pulling from enough sources to justify taking up half a paragraph? Are there other sources that can corroborate these findings?
 * Good job bringing scholarship and varied source material into sources used