User:Keerthikonda/Palliative care/AleutianTea Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Keerthikonda


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Keerthikonda/Palliative_care?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Palliative care

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead: I think your contribution helps us understand the importance of the shift in palliative care -- i.e from disease-centered to patient-centered. However, it might be useful to increase the neutrality of your contribution. This might mean to simply state what the implications of a disease-centered approach are as well as the implications of a patient-centered approach. I would also recommend taking out "value" words/phrases, for example: "...the needs and preferences of the patient are never fully met..." While this may be mostly true, it does not allow space for the situations in which it is not true. Words like "always" and "never" can be extremely risky because it can turn a phrase into a falsehood simply because of innocent exaggeration.

Content:

There are a few grammatical issues in your contribution under "Geriatric Palliative Care". I think these are mostly tied to the length of the sentences. For example, the following sentence does not flow well together, specifically the section that is underlined: "With the transition in the population toward lower birth and death rates, there is a growing burden on countries and its resources, considering the elderly are almost always associated with physical incapacity, biological disability, and psychological impairment." Also, I highly recommend breaking the following sentence into two: "This shift was important because if a disease-oriented approach is followed, the needs and preferences of the patient are never fully met and aspects of care, such as pain, quality of life, and social support, as well as spiritual and emotional needs, fail to be addressed." I will also underline where I believe the sentence stops flowing in your second sentence: "As aging populations put increasing pressure on existing resources, long-term palliative care for patients’ non-communicable, chronic conditions has emerged as a necessary approach to increase these patient’s quality of life, through prevention and relief by identifying, assessing, and treating the source of pain and other psychosocial and spiritual problems ." Throughout my writing life, I have been told I struggle with comma splices. I would probably be better at fixing them if I knew how to identify them. The point of saying this is that I don't want you to take my following statement as final truth, but I think the places I underlined may be comma splices. Also, a very small detail, but in order to follow the structure of other Wikipedia articles, I would consider de-capitalizing "...Palliative Care"; in other words, I feel as though the title should look as follows... "Geriatric palliative care".

As for your contributions to the "Scope" sections, I would consider breaking it up into two and dispersing your contributions among what is already present. For example:

Making the following one contribution...

"Palliative care is able to improve healthcare quality in three sectors: physical and emotional relief, strengthening of patient-physician communication and decision-making, and coordinated continuity of care across various healthcare settings, including hospital, home, and hospice ."

and making the following another contribution...

"Forty million people each year are expected to need palliative care, with approximately 78% of this population living in low and middle income countries. However, only 14% of this population is able to receive this kind of care, with a majority in high-income countries, making this an important sector to pay attention to."

I think dispersing this information in the current existing framework of this section will help it flow better.

Tone and Balance: I think you add a diverse range of information throughout the article. However, I think there is space for increasing neutrality, specifically in the lead section.

Sources and References: If possible, try and cite each sentence. Maybe this is misleading advice but I would recommend citing a sentence even if its with the same citation as the sentence that precedes it (obviously only if the information actually came from the same source); I personally do not think its repetitive to cite the same source multiple times in a row. Personally, I think it helps clarify to the reader where the information is coming from. Obviously, it is best if you can cite a diverse range of sources.

Generally, I think your sources are recent enough. I think it is normally recommended to cite sources that have been published within the last ten years, so maybe the Patel et al. source is slightly out of date. Personally, I don't think this is extremely significant and I would not personally change it -- just something to think about.

Organization: I think there is space for reorganizing, especially the "Scope" section, in order to help the article flow better. Also consider the grammatical issues I mention above.

Images and Media: N/A

For New Articles Only: N/A

Overall Impressions: I think you added a great range of information. As for recommendations, I mention them in the sections above.