User:Kekki1978/Cleopatra lead

Since a lead blah blah blah, I suggest two things: adding a topic sentence to guide the reader, and shifting language to pivot the sequence of facts to focus on Cleopatra. In an effort to be collaborative, here is a suggestion. I don't believe this significantly changes content. Objections or concerns? Thanks.

{| class="wikitable" !Sentence # !Original !Suggested Revision !Comment
 * 1
 * Cleopatra ascended to a joint reign with her son after only after royal power had shifted among her and her immediate family members.
 * Add a topic sentence.
 * 2
 * In 58 BC, Cleopatra presumably accompanied her father, Ptolemy XII, during his exile to Rome after a revolt in Egypt (a Roman client state) allowed his daughter Berenice IV to claim the throne.
 * During her childhood, a revolt in Egypt (which was then a Roman client state) forced her father, King Ptolemy XII, into exile in Rome in 58 BC; it is presumed that Cleopatra accompanied him. The revolt allowed her sister Berenice IV to claim the throne.
 * 3
 * Berenice was killed in 55 BC when Ptolemy returned to Egypt with Roman military assistance.
 * After the King and Cleopatra returned to Egypt with Roman military assistance, Berenice was killed in 55 BC, allowing the King to regain power.
 * 4
 * When he died in 51 BC, the joint reign of Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIII began, but a falling-out between them led to open civil war.
 * The joint reign of Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIII began upon the King's death in 51 BC, but a falling-out between them led to open civil war.
 * 5
 * After losing the 48 BC Battle of Pharsalus in Greece against his rival Julius Caesar (a Roman dictator and consul) in Caesar's Civil War, the Roman statesman Pompey fled to Egypt.
 * Julius Caesar, a Roman dictator and consul who was to play a key role in the elevation of Cleopatra's power, arrived to occupy Alexandria in pursuit of his rival Pompey, whom he had defeated in the 48 BC Battle of Pharsalus in Greece. (Pompey had fled to Egypt but was then killed at Ptolemy XIII's behest prior to Caesar's arrival.)
 * 6
 * Pompey had been a political ally of Ptolemy XII, but Ptolemy XIII, at the urging of his court eunuchs, had Pompey ambushed and killed before Caesar arrived and occupied Alexandria.
 * Omit by combining it into previous sentence.
 * 7
 * Caesar then attempted to reconcile the rival Ptolemaic siblings, but Ptolemy's chief adviser Potheinos viewed Caesar's terms as favoring Cleopatra, so his forces besieged her and Caesar at the palace.
 * Caesar attempted to reconcile the rival Ptolemaic siblings, but Ptolemy XIII's chief adviser Potheinos viewed Caesar's terms as favoring Cleopatra, so Ptolemy's forces besieged her and Caesar at the palace.
 * 8
 * Shortly after the siege was lifted by reinforcements, Ptolemy died in the 47 BC Battle of the Nile; Cleopatra's half-sister Arsinoe IV was eventually exiled to Ephesus for her role in carrying out the siege.
 * Keep the same.
 * 9
 * Caesar declared Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIV joint rulers, but maintained a private affair with Cleopatra that produced Caesarion.
 * Caesar then declared Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIV joint rulers, but maintained a private affair with Cleopatra that produced a son, Caesarion.
 * 10
 * Cleopatra traveled to Rome as a client queen in 46 and 44 BC, where she stayed at Caesar's villa.
 * Omit?
 * This may be too detailed for the lead.
 * 11
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, she named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, Cleopatra named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * -}
 * 8
 * Shortly after the siege was lifted by reinforcements, Ptolemy died in the 47 BC Battle of the Nile; Cleopatra's half-sister Arsinoe IV was eventually exiled to Ephesus for her role in carrying out the siege.
 * Keep the same.
 * 9
 * Caesar declared Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIV joint rulers, but maintained a private affair with Cleopatra that produced Caesarion.
 * Caesar then declared Cleopatra and her brother Ptolemy XIV joint rulers, but maintained a private affair with Cleopatra that produced a son, Caesarion.
 * 10
 * Cleopatra traveled to Rome as a client queen in 46 and 44 BC, where she stayed at Caesar's villa.
 * Omit?
 * This may be too detailed for the lead.
 * 11
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, she named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, Cleopatra named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * -}
 * This may be too detailed for the lead.
 * 11
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, she named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * After the assassinations of Caesar and (on her orders) Ptolemy XIV in 44 BC, Cleopatra named Caesarion co-ruler.
 * -}
 * -}
 * -}