User:Kelly0br/Deafness In the Windward Islands/AlyssaB22 Peer Review

Whose work are you reviewing?
(Kelly0br)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Deafness in the Windward Islands
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Language Emergence
I would look at adding a citation after the first sentence or two in order to show where you got the information about the languages and locations of the Windward Islands. I think you did a great job with expressing the the unity of the Windward Islands in a neutral light, but also explaining how the regions differences as in language set them apart.

I think you may need a citation after the sentence about "due to the lack of resources in the Windward Islands.." to show that you are stating this as fact from a resource and not a constructed idea. I believe a citation is also needed for the sentence about the Cascade School for the Deaf. Overall I thought this section was well formatted and did a great job explaining the different types of sign language that are used throughout the Windward Islands.

Empowerment and Charity
In the sentence "the association was brought about.." I would maybe change the part that states "die to the outbreak" to "who die due to the outbreak". it seems as if it's just a simple grammatical sentence structure error.

In the sentence "the association has helped.." change heating to hearing.

A citation is needed directly after the long quote about St. Vincent.

I think you did a great job with providing supportive and detailed information about these organizations!

Civil Rights
Overall, a great section with lots of valuable information!

Early Hearing Detection & Intervention
I would make this section its own heading and not a subsection under Civil Rights.

I think a citation is needed after the first sentence in order to show that the information is fact.

I think putting the information about The Irving Wilson School for the Blind and Deaf in a section about Primary and Secondary Education would be a better fit than in Early Hearing Detection & Intervention as the intervention part of this section is more geared toward intervention before school.

This section provides a lot of great information, but may need tailored in a way that sounds more factual.

Language Deprivation
A citation is needed after the sentence about the Bernard Van Leer Foundation.

Other Notes
Overall your article provides a lot of well thought out information about the Windward Islands and I think you did great with the task of all the Windward Island entails. I think with adding a few citations and making a few sections more neutral this article will be fantastic!

Your sources section appears balanced with great sources!