User:Kelroy

Kelly Jacobs is the result of a virgin birth after his mother drank her bodyweight in jager. Widely known as the pied piper of Springfield, Kelly was born a gifted ukulele player. Since he was in Springfield, Missouri the only places to lead the children was to churches, Chinese restaurants, and liquor stores. With only one real choice available to him, Kelly started a movement that inspired In The Know Zone’s FAQ on BAC to say, "BACs of .45% and higher are fatal to nearly all individuals". It was around this time that Kelly discovered his true love, video games.

Convinced that video games and alcohol would lead to a new sort of religion, Kelly went on to co-found the infamous Goat House in Rolla, Missouri. (The historical structure still stands on 7th Street, and there is an urban myth that the world famous toasts can still be heard echoing in those halls.) Once Kelly and company built the foundation for debauchery in the region, they graduated and moved on to the far corners of the United States - with Kelly’s corner being Seattle, Washington. He is currently in pursuit of his master’s degree in videogame programming at Digipen.