User:Kelsie.Kienapple/Cancer cell/BlakeForrest Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Hi Kelsie! I just reviewed your sandbox draft. I found your write-up on Cancer Cells very informative and interesting. Great job! Here are my questions/suggestions for your next round of edits.

1)     Guiding questions from the Lead section (you may choose which guiding questions you would like to answer)

I thought your Lead section was very informative and easy to understand and has been updated with new content. However, I felt your Lead section was a little too detailed. Maybe make this section more concise and shorten it a little to help the reader absorb the details.

In some of your references labelled as [2], you note the author’s name Sharma, but in some other ones, you only note them as [2]. Which one is correct, and should they be the same?

You note in the second paragraph, BCL-2 family, but as a new reader, I am unsure what this is.

Can you provide a definition, or a link to another page of what that means?

Similarly, you mention the release of cytochrome-C, but as a new reader, maybe define this further or link it to another section of Wikipedia that provides more details.

2)     Guiding questions from the Content section (you may choose which guiding questions you would like to answer)

In the Content section, I liked the way you listed the Symptoms in bullet-form, which made them easy to read and scan.

In your last sentence, ‘In addition to all the common symptoms, the individual will experience tenderness and pain in the area where the tumour resides. Is this always the case 100% of the time? Should it read, that the individual will may experience tenderness and pain in the area where the tumour resides? (as this may not be 100% all of the time)

In the paragraph that outlines the cancer progression from 0-4, maybe a diagram would be helpful to show the stages? (Rather than a text heavy paragraph).

In the last paragraph of your sandbox, you note, ‘as seen in the image below’, however, there is no image shown. Can you add in an image when you do the revisions?

3)     Guiding questions from the Tone and Balance section (you may choose which guiding questions you would like to answer)

I feel like the content you added on your Wikipedia article was neutral. I do not feel like your claims were heavily biased and I don’t feel like you are trying to persuade the reader one way or another.

Are you able to add some details into your article on cancer survival rates? This may be an underrepresented area of the article that I feel might complete/elevate your post.

4)     Guiding questions from the Sources and References section (you may choose which guiding questions you would like to answer)

In the sources and references section, I see you added the required peer reviewed articles, but it looks like your numbering is not consistent. You have 5 references listed, then another 3 more are listed at the bottom. Can you confirm where each source is correctly placed for the next round of edits?

Once you add the image, can you also add it into the reference section too?

I noticed your first reference, National Cancer Institute this cancer? is from 2016, are you able to find a more current reference with more up-to-date data?