User:Kendroche/Common Stories of the Bible

Introduction
The Christian Bible is a huge book. It is filled with many wonderous and awe-inspiring tales and can be an interesting read even for anybody of any faith or background. However, quite often, any discussion of The Bible often becomes mired in religious argument meaning that the stories themselves become overlooked.

This is a list of the commonly known stories of The Bible with references to take you to the relevant place in the online Bible. The version of the Bible used as reference is the English Standard Version. This is meant as a reference piece to introduce people to the literature of The Bible. It is not meant, in any way, to address the religious contexts, messages or viewpoints in The Bible nor is it meant to offend by omission, context or otherwise.

Genesis
God creates everything and kicks Adam & Eve out of Eden for being naughty. Cain kills Abel in a fit a jealousy. God Floods the earth to punish man for being bad but tells Noah to save some animals. God gets annoyed at man again for building a tower at Babel so makes them all speak different languages, then goes on to destroy Sodom & Gomorrah for being naughty again. Joseph is sold by his brothers, saves Egypt from famine, tricks his brothers and is reunited with his family. Oh Abraham's a really good guy and lots of people have lots of sons and live for a very long time.

If only all builders were this fast.
Day1:Light. Day2: Heavens. Day3: Earth and plants. Day4: Sun, moon & stars. Day5: Fish & birds. Day6: Land animals & Man. Day 7: Slept in.

Adam and Eve.
Adam was created, then Eve from one of his ribs. They're told not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge but they do at the behest of the Serpent so God kicks them out of Eden.

Cain kills Abel.
Abel is daddy's boy. Cain gets jealous so kills him.

Adam's Lineage.
Lots of people have lots of sons and live for quite a while to boot.

God gets annoyed and floods the earth.
Sin is rife on the Earth. God appears to Noah, tells him to build a big boat and get two of every animal aboard. It rained pretty hard for a month and a half and flooded the Earth for half a year. Then there was a rainbow, a dove, an olive branch and the flood subsided.

The tower of Babel is built.
Speaking the same language, the people manage to build a huge tower. This annoys God so he makes them speak different languages.

Sodom and Gomorrah
Sodom & Gomorrah are pits of depravity which annoys God. Abraham pleas their case but only Lot is found. Lot is allowed to leave Sodom and told not to look back. His wife does and turns to a pillar of salt. Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed.

Joseph gets a fancy coat.
Joseph's coat makes his brothers jealous so they decide to kill him. At the last minute they change their mind and sell him instead. He ends up in Egypt and in prison where he became the Boss. He took a course in psychoanalysis which led him to help the Pharaoh stem a famine. Then his brothers came to buy grain but didn't recognise him. The grain they bought turned out to be money and their father was mad. They go back and get some more grain but Joseph plays a trick and the youngest is accused of theft. The brothers beg for him to go free so Joseph fesses up and everybody's happy. They go home and tell their father and they all move to Egypt to be with Joseph.

Exodus
Moses threatens the Pharaoh, runs away and sets fire to a bush. God gets annoyed again and sends 10 plagues on Egypt. Moses teaches the Egyptians to surf.

Judges
Samson gets a haircut.

1 Samuel
David vs. Goliath.

1 Kings
Solomon seems a pretty clever chap. Elijah turns up the heat on Baal.

Job
God tries his best to annoy Job.

Psalms
Lots of religiousy type songs and poems.

Daniel
Daniel plays with the kitty kats.

Jonah
Jonah goes all Mister Geppetto

Malachi
I know something interesting happens here. Can anybody fill me in?

The Gospels
The first four books of the New Testament are all about the life and times of Jesus, the son of God. Supposedly written by four of Jesus' disciples Matthew,Mark,Luke and John, they actually make quite a good read. They, basically, tell the same story from four differing perspectives, so your best bet is to pick one and run with it, otherwise things can get a little repetitive by the time you hit John. The downside of the Gospels is that it's difficult not to get pulled into the religious side of things.

Specific stories from the Gospels
No room in the Inn. Three Wise Men. The Prodigal Son. Water into Wine. Feeding of the Thousand. Doctor Jesus. The Betrayal. The Death of Jesus. Nobody Home?

''To be honest I have no idea what happens from hereon in up until the end. I'll research this bit and fill some bits in (may take some time)

Revelations
Revelations is the book dealing with the future. The first three chapters are instructions to the Churches (recommended to skip unless you're in the seminary). While it can be pretty heavy going in places, it is a recommended read all the way through. (For the fatalists, the end of the world stuff starts here).