User:KennyTharp/Players (magazine)/Elaineamery Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

KennyTharp


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:KennyTharp/Players (magazine)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Players (magazine)

- The lead does introduce and give a short explanation of the topic, but it doesn't really give information about what is in the other sections of the page. I think the lead could use some additions to enhance the page to give readers a little more information about the topic.

- The content is relevant to the topic and doesn't contain any information that doesn't belong on the page. On the page, the hypersexuality section didn't have any information, but the group started a draft of information to put. I think the information they presented is a really good start and would be a good addition to make to the page.

- The tone (particularly under Themes Throughout Players) sometimes read as almost argumentative. I know the contributor was just presenting the information Miller-Young discusses in her book, but I think different diction choices would help emphasize that the section is a summary of other work instead of a point being made. Overall, the page is neutral and doesn't actually try to persuade the audience one way or another despite the section I mentioned.

- The sources are fairly up to date and contain a wide variety of links. The ones I clicked on did work for me, but I think it would be helpful to add more information and therefore references to further develop the page.

- The page is well organized and written. There were a few sections under Cultural Significance that seemed a little underdeveloped in the way they presented the information. I think the information presented in these sections is good and it doesn't plagiarize the source they're pulling from, but I think more editing and maybe different diction can help the section seem more elevated. Other than this I think the grammar was good and the page had good organization.

- There are no images on this page, I think adding some would help enhance the page but the contributors might run the risk of using copyrighted images. Finding images or media to add to the page would be helpful, but also might be difficult to find media that isn't copyrighted.