User:KennyTharp/Players (magazine)/Karleeseek Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I don't like the lead, I think it's definitely too polarizing and not a factual display of the topic. The lead says "it's attempt at providing the African-American public with a racy, yet elegant reading choice" You can not accurately say something is for a population that the creators are not actively involved in. Two white men were not providing a service to the African American public, they were providing it for the public that enjoys viewing African Americans.

I would like more elaboration on how Holloway House "struck gold" through the African-American underworld. The way it references gold diggers, would be good to hyperlink to the wikipedia article one of our classmates is working on! I think this also references too many individual names people don't know, could be better included as a completed list in the bottom.

This article needs media, preferably a cover of one of the magazines.

There's definitely a lot of sourcing you can find here! With black pornography, as well as bios on some of the participants. Especially the white men who created it! I think the people of this need to be highlighted more because it's crazy a magazine was made for people of color by white men.

Finally, the article ending in hypersexuality could highly benefit on the education on fetishism of color. You can use more sourcing from Miller-Young's book, or our previous book from class.