User:Keylist/Michael ashcraft

Michael Ashcraft is an A1C in the United States Air Force.

EARLY YEARS James Michael Gregory Ashcraft, III. Born August 17, 1985. Currently is not dead. He was born to James Michael Ashcraft, II and Anita Manchester United-Ashcraft in Barcelona, Spain. His parents decided to have him in Spain for the medical coverage that could not be provided on the farm in Ireland. After moving back to Londonderry, Ireland, his family turned to a life of sheep farming. It was a simple life, full of wool, lambchops, and fagotry. Mike often reminisces about the early years of his life. Until the death of his grandfather, Mike's family were heavily devoted Voodooers. His father then saw it beneficial to convert to Roman Catholocism and move to Wichita, Kansas, USA. They enrolled young Michael Gregory into a Catholic school at the age of 7. He was a devout "real Catholic". He thoroughly enjoyed most of his instructors, especially Father McNulty.

TEENAGE-EARLY ADULT YEARS The teenage version of Mike loved to watch FC Barcelona tear up the pitch. He was a faithful Barca athletic supporter until the 1998-1999 campaign. ManU took home the chapmionship and after seeing his team fall, again, he switched his allegiance like Benedict Arnold, therefore earning his nickname, "Benny". He was a fatihful ManUer until the 2008-2009 season, when ironically, FC Barcelona took back the crown from his beloved Manchester United team. From that fateful spring day, he started to sport his childhood colors of Crimson and Blue again.

After high school, and all the protein shakes he could handle from Father McNulty, Mike decided to try college. He attended Wichita State University, home of the Shockers. There he joined a Fraternity because of his low social abilities and lack of standard hygeine. He also was in desperate need of some friends, and thought "Hey, why don't I pay to drink with people that I can then call friends?" After 4 years, he graduated Summa Cum Guzzler with a degree in Accounting and a minor in fashion design.

In April of 2008, after a short stint as a Carnival Cruise Line Accountant, Mike joined the USAF. He went through a 6 and a half week Basic Military Training, and graduated a short 3 months later. He was medically held back because of his ginger hair and girly shins. He was quarantined for 3 weeks due to the perception that the Red Head gene is contagious and can cause fits of epilepsy, anger, and weird hand movements during normal conversation. After he graduated, it was off to tech school at Goodfellow AFB, San Angelo, Texas. He graduated with no problem from there and was headed back to Lackland AFB as a first duty assignment. While at Lackland, once again desperate for friends, he tried everything to get people to like him. In stepped a group of super fans of the semi-popular San Antonio Rampage of the AHL. The group, known as the Rampage Rowdies, decided to take Mike on as a squire for the group. Simple tasks that he had to perform were doing laundry, buying beer, making out with ugly chicks with stuff on their lips named Kim (we are pretty sure he hit that), and backing up his new "friends" in fights with the hockey players. After 13 games, the group decided to let him in as one of the Rowdies. In the upcoming 2009-2010 season, Mike will be tasked with making the group t-shirts and buying the beer/beer bong. The group has put an ultimate amount of trust into Mike, and if he values his place in the Rowdies, he better not screw up.

As of June 29, 2009, Mike is currently single with no shred of hope in finding love, in a woman or man. One of his fellow Gingers, Katelyn Olson, has repeatedly stated how repulsive he is, and how much a disgrace he is to the Ginger race. For now it looks like the Ashcraft name will remain with him.