User:Kholterman/Tribal sovereignty in the United States/Eren7013 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Kholterman)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kholterman/Tribal_sovereignty_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Tribal sovereignty in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

The lead does not appear to be edited from the current edits I observe.

Content

I think the content added connects to the greater topic of tribal sovereignty in the United States quite well specifically by giving a brief overview of how food insecurity came to be and how it affects indigenous individuals today. I think the added information is important to understand more about how Eurocentric ideologies greatly impacted their traditional agricultural techniques. The individual is also adding information about a historically underrepresented group. Furthermore, the user also has a variety of different sources which seem to be up to date. A few suggestions:


 * 1) "As a result, there are high rates of obesity and Type 2 diabetes in the Native population"
 * 2) The wording feels extremely conclusive and I am unsure of how the previous sentence indicates that this was the outcome.
 * 3) "Domesticated animals were introduced into America by European settlers, bringing with them new diseases."
 * 4) I feel like this should be in the next section when you begin to discuss European colonialism and its effects.
 * 5) For the "Food Sovereignty Research and Projects" section:
 * 6) Since this is an article which is based on primarily tribal sovereignty in the United States, I think it would be informative to add/mention any governmental/non-governmental projects in the US addressing food insecurity for Indigenous members.
 * 7) "... do not involve governmental funding or state provisioning, as many other sources claim..."
 * 8) What other sources claim this? I think more elaboration or a citation is needed
 * 9) "Government projects supporting indigenous food systems are very new attempts to uplift indigenous communities and are in very amateur stages of development"
 * 10) I feel like the passage would sound better without the "very"'s

Tone and Balance

From what I can tell, the added information is neutral and in a tone consistent with the rest of the article. Some places where it does not seem completely neutral:


 * 1) "all Indigenous people were forced onto Indian reservations" -> the "all"
 * 2) " as many other sources claim." -> I mentioned this before but what sources claim this?

Sources/Citations

All the sources are relevant and up to date. I just think there should be more sources for the number 4 suggestion I mentioned above. All the links work.

Organization

I like the flow of the added information and how it is situated in terms of the rest of the article. I think more emphasis on projects which do or do not exist in the United States would be informative and contribute to the article.

Images/Media

I like the added media, especially the three sisters representation. I feel like it would be better organized if the images were a bit higher (the 3 sisters near the Tribal food history and the community member image near Food sovereignty research and projects).