User:Kiarapech/Women in Medical Philanthropy in California/Julianajoy4 Peer Review

General info
Kiarapech
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kiarapech/Women in Medical Philanthropy in California
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Lead
I do not see a lead section, and I think it would really help in tying your article together, especially as it is split into 3 different sections. I would add a lead section at the top of the page noting that these 3 women are women in medical philanthropy in California, as well as explaining what the topic of "medical philanthropy in California" even entails. As I begin reading this article, I don't have any idea what "medical philanthropy in California" really entails, so it would be helpful to have a lead section which defines that and gives me an overall idea of what is to come in the article.

Content
I think the content is all great and relevant. I like that you have it split into sections of personal life and philanthropy, as it makes it easier for the reader to learn about their personal backgrounds as people and their contributions relating to philanthropy. The Lynne section includes her philanthropic contributions, but I would really like to see a personal life section. I would encourage you to dig deep and try and find information about her, even if it's just a little bit. It would help keep the article consistent with each woman having a personal life and philanthropy section, and also I am just curious to learn about Lynne's personal life.

Tone and Balance
You maintain a neutral and unbiased tone throughout the article, so I commend you on that. I don't see any viewpoints that are overrepresented or underrepresented, and the balance of the article is solid, besides the fact that Lynne's section is a bit shorter, which I gave my feedback on above. Great job with regards to tone and balance.

Sources and References
You did a great job using various diverse sources. Especially, your in-text citations are phenomenal and I can tell that you precisely cited every piece of information from exactly where you found it. For having such a niche topic, you did amazing at finding various sources which are reliable and diverse.

Organization
Again, as I mentioned above, I think your article would really benefit from having a lead section to tie together all of the information. Additionally, split Lynne's section into personal life and philanthropy to keep each woman's section consistent. I do not see any spelling errors, but there are a couple grammatical errors. I think it just needs a close read and some tweaking of sentences. Overall, the content is concise and clear.

Images and Media
I think an image would really enhance this article. Images are always of appeal to readers, so I think it would only benefit you to add one.

Overall impressions
Overall, I am very impressed! I love how you organized this article and find it very easy / logical to read. It is an interesting topic and you did a great job conveying it. I've given my suggestions above, and I'd especially pay attention to my suggestions above in the "lead" and "content" sections. Good work Kiara!