User:Kieramalley/Student leader/Kevinmount Peer Review

General info
Kieramalley
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Kieramalley/Student leader
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Student leader

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Before providing feedback on the submission in the sandbox, I just want to make a few notes on the original state of the article. The original article is quite limited and only has one citation. However, the citation is a dead link and is not properly cited, as it only provides the URL. The lead of the article is very short and lacks any citation.

Lead
The lead has been updated to provide more information about what student leadership is; however, I believe the last three sentences of the lead are overly detailed and could have that information placed in a subsection. For instance, these sentences indicate certain conditions that need to be met for student leaders to grow most effectively and summarize a few details of the benefits of having students engage in student leadership. There is a section further down that has been written on the benefits of student leadership. However, there are some details in the lead that are not expanded upon, such as a greater chance of pursuing higher education. Since the information provided in the lead should be further detailed in the body of the article, then I would suggest either adding more information about these benefits at the end of the lead or pushing these sentences down into the body instead.

Content
The content that has been added is relevant to student leadership, and it does seem up to date. However, a major source that has been used for the content is from 1994 and comes from a journal that has not operated in the last 15 years. The other source, from the Journal of Leadership Education, is more timely, as it was published in 2019. In terms of the impacts of leadership development on student growth, a few sentences of detail have been added. However, the phrase "locus of control" has been used. This does have a citation, but the idea could be further defined in the body of the article, as this is not a well-known term, and it is crucial to what is being said in this paragraph.

Tone and Balance
The additions presented do seem balanced and do not heavily favor a particular position. However, as I stated previously, some information from the lead, such as the limitation of growing leadership potential without proper guidance and the benefits of student leadership, could be expanded upon in the body of the article itself. In this way, I think there are viewpoints that are underrepresented in the article.

Sources and References
For the sources presented in this article under the impacts of leadership development on student growth, there is one benefit that has been backed up by a source. However, when you go to the article, there are quite a few benefits listed in the title, with locus of control being one of these benefits. So, I am curious why this benefit was stated explicitly in the article and not the others. For the sources that are presented, two of the references are identical. Thus, I suggest that one of these references be removed from the bibliography at the bottom, so sources one and three should be merged. Furthermore, in the original article, as I stated above, there is a source with a dead link. It also provides an oddly specific detail. And because we cannot view the original source, I'm wondering if it omits information as it provides two states specifically of students who have voting authority. For such a short article, I was wondering why this detail was included, considering the original article lacks a lot of detail. It doesn't seem like a hugely important fact a reader would need to know about student leaders. In terms of the source from the Journal of Leadership Education, I could not find this source on SJR, and the adolescence source is a Q3 article. I suggest a few more sources are added to back up information. For instance, is there another source that can also indicate the importance of leadership self-efficacy, so multiple sources are saying similar information?

Organization
Overall, the content that has been added is clear, concise, and easy to read. However, I think there is an area where the information could be clearer. For instance, in the first sentence under leader development, it states students must reflect on their Leader Self-Efficacy. This is capitalized. So I'm wondering the purpose of this capitalization. Is this a specific survey, or a proper name? If it's not a proper name, the word should be "leadership" instead of "leader" for better flow. There are also a few areas with grammatical errors. For instance, in the impacts of leader development on student growth, it says "with such a skills." The "a" should be removed, and the phrase "in their futures" at the end of the paragraph could read "for their future" instead.

Images and Media
N/A

Overall impressions
Overall, the content added in the sandbox has improved the overall quality of the article, making it more complete in multiple sections. The lead now contains more detail, and there are a few instances that discuss the benefits of student leadership and limitations regarding how it could be structured. Because the article was very limited to begin with, I believe it would require a lot of work and brainstorming around all the different types of relevant information and subsections that could be added to make this article more thorough. The work that is presented is definitely a good start in determining the additional detail that should be included. I believe expanding on the advantages of leadership development and the conditions that should be set to cultivate strong leadership in students could be expanded upon in a further draft.