User:Kirsty Chai/Marriage in modern China/Zhuolin Wu Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kirsty Chai


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Kirsty%20Chai/Marriage_in_modern_China?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Marriage in modern China

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

The lead is the same as the previous lead in the original article, however, I do agree that the lead is a good high level summary of the paragraph. I also like the description of leftover women after the short sheng nv to explain the term, making it easier for the readers to grasp the information. With that, I think it will be more beneficial if there is an English translation for the lead cui hun, for the same reason that leftover women is beneficial.

The lead includes an introductory sentence that talks about the society pressure on women getting married earlier. However, I think it would be clearer to s tart the paragraph with a definition of sheng nv, and then follow it by the societal pressure.

The lead is very conscious and detailed.

Content

The content is up-to date and relevant. However, I don't see any references for the content. This will be further commented upon in the sources and references section below. There is one thing about the content that I question, it says that parents are worried about "college-educated daughters who have delayed marriage past their twenties." I believe the legal age for female to get married in china is 20, so I don't see why the parents would be anxious once they pass twenty. I am not saying that the information is false, I think that such information that is shocking to believe, should have a reference to increase its credibility. The content does deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps, and it addresses topics related to women, who are historically underrepresented populations or topics.

Tone and Balance

The content is very neutral. I think the cui hun one is especially neutral and composed in a very professional manner. I really appreciate that, with a topic that is easy to formulate an opinion, you remained very neutral and listed out the facts related to the subject matter. I think the sheng nv paragraph is a little underrepresented comparing to the cui hun one. However, I don't find it a problem, because I see sheng nv as a part of the cui hun culture. Also, the content did not attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another, which is really good.

Sources and References

I think sources and references needs the most work in this draft. I don't see any references (unless there is something wrong with the system). I think the statements, especially the statistical facts about marriage age, should be backed up by data and sources.

Organization

I really like the organization of this draft, it is concise, clear and easy to read. The organization of each paragraph is very logical, like how the sections are broken down. As a reader, I find it easy to follow and comprehend. I don't see any grammatical and spelling errors, this adds to the credibility and the professionalism of the draft.