User:Kleio Artemia/Roman conquest of Anglesey/JoshuaHac Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kleio Artemia


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kleio Artemia/Roman conquest of Anglesey


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Roman conquest of Anglesey

Evaluate the drafted changes
''Everything you add to the article definitely helps it; I feel like your additions are much needed. However, there are some things I would change from the original article. It would help to paraphrase Tacitus instead of quoting entire sections. These quotes currently in the article are way too long to be on a Wikipedia page and could be shortened into summaries of Tacitus' words (perhaps with the addition of different scholars opinions and archaeological data). I did not go sentence by sentence because I find most the sentences to be well-phrased and good additions. Most of the problems I have with this article are the bits that you left from the other writers. All of the sentences I thought needed more work I have included below. There are some small spelling mistakes too:''

"Tacitus' two works The Annals and The Agricola are the only written works that discuss the invasions and provide a fairly succinct account of the conquest of Wales, however the descriptions of the invasions in each book are brief" there needs to be a comma after "however" and adding a semicolon might make it easier to read: "[...] the conquest of Wales; however, the descriptions [...]"

"According to Tacitus, Anglesey was known as a place of refuge for the Celtic tribes and had a significant population, that included the Druids."

this may be more of a preference, but I would switch "that" to "which".

"Tacitus describes the crossing explaining that they used flat-bottomed boats for the crossing and that the cavalry managed to make the crossing by swimming and fording."

I would change it to:

"Tacitus describes the event claiming that [...]"

''This makes it clear that this is a claim of Tacitus, and not exactly the truth (or at least as far as we know). Also I think the sentence is a little repetitive repeating the word "crossing" twice.''

''I included spelling mistakes because everything else that you have added is solid. However, I do have some individual pointers:''

Introduction:

''Overall, the introduction is very good and well-rounded. There is a balance to everything that you add here, and I don't the first paragraph needs anymore.''

The second paragraph of the introduction does require one small tweak.

"Archaeological discoveries from the island provide supplementary evidence of the Roman presence in Anglesey following the two invasions. Archaeologists have uncovered the first 1st century fort near Cemlyn Bay - on the northern coast of the island - in 2015."

''I would like to see more information on Archaeology in this section beyond these two short sentences. Perhaps you should look more into the archaeological record, and include more about it.''

First invasion:

"Water was an important aspect of Celtic religion and the Druids were the powerful important figures of the religion that the Romans greatly disliked." This sentence is very awkward, and I would maybe split it into two, or figure out a way to make it work as one.

''Other than that, this section is good! I don't think anything else needs to be added. That being said, if you adhere to my advice above (about removing the long Tacitus quotes) then you should have another paragraph describing what Tacitus writes. Although, some of what Tacitus writes doesn't really need to be said there anyways.''