User:KobiIheoma/Nancy Boyd-Franklin/Isabel Austin Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

KobiIheoma, Laturnbull


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:KobiIheoma/Nancy_Boyd-Franklin?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Nancy Boyd-Franklin

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

As of right now, there is no lead in the sandbox draft of the article. With that said, the lead in the original article is pretty clear and concise. I would suggest using (at least parts) of the original lead. However, I would change the last sentence of the lead to something slightly more general.

Content:

As of right now, there isn't much content beyond early life and awards. However, I think that what you have so far is great. The awards section, especially, is very detailed and concise; you give a great overview of her accomplishments, while still going into necessary detail. In terms of her early life, I would suggest trying to find a few more additional sources. Although it's written well, I think you could add a little more detail to encapsulate her early life/education.

Tone and balance:

The tone of your article, so far, is incredibly objective. There doesn't seem to be any perspective-writing, and you are clear and concise in your sentence structures. If anything, I would suggest shortening some of your sentences. Although they are grammatically correct, I think that some of your sentences could be shortened to heighten the sharpness of your article (mostly in the early life section).

Sources and references:

All of your sources look good! The original article has a few more sources, so I would suggest checking out those; they may be a helpful resource when further crafting your article. All in all, I think your sources look great and my only suggestion would be to add some more.

Organization:

The organization looks good. However, I am curious about what other sections you are planning on adding. I think a section about her professional life is important, and you may need to include subsections within that (because she seems to have done a few things in her professional life).

Images and media:

No images/media.

Overall impression:

I think you're off to a great start so far! I'm especially impressed by the writing (I think it's very clear), and my main suggestion would be to keep finding sources and adding information. I think a good way to start doing that would be to check out all of the sources on the original article. I would also suggest adding more sections to your article. Overall, good job so far!