User:KoreanArtHistory../Sin-Yeoseong- 신여성- New Women/Conceptcontext Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

KoreanArtHistory..


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:KoreanArtHistory../Sin-Yeoseong- 신여성- New Women
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Big Questions

- Overall you have very good progress and a lot of valuable information. Some reorganizing and rephrasing for neutrality would be beneficial but Overall you have a good article. Adding pictures of what the magazine looked like would be amazing.

Lead

- Shift your introduction paragraph to being the Lead.

- Great lead, it is clear and easy to understand what the article is going to talk about.

Article Body

- Content and theme

- very good description / summary of what the magazine included

-

- Content Background

- Nice placement of link definitions

- All of your citations are at the end of the paragraph perhaps you could go placing them through the text as you use them. As it is unclear where you god what information.

- Be careful to not have a position on the topic of wise mother good wife, do not think you do but maybe adding a bit more neutral language could help

- Last sentence is powerful but is argumentative

- Influence

- would rearrange the first sentence so that it is more neutral, it reads a bit like you are trying to prove a point.

- you switch between present and past tenses, this is not necessarily bad, just be aware of it

- Would perhaps add an introductory sentence about what you are trying to accomplish with the paragraph of influence. Because it seems to be attracting consumers but its phrased in a way that seems like the face covering is more important

- Critique

- Explicitly the section of critique to your main topic of the magazine. Maybe by adding information on how Shin-Yeoseong was critiqued or created critiques.

- Availability section is interesting, makes sense that it is its own section because that makes the information easy to find. You could add information about why it is not available anymore but that is also not necessary

References

- Good sources, only thing I would change is to be more explicit about where you got specific pieces of information that you used in the article