User:Korecob/User:Alexatechandculture/Mary Bock/Korecob Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Alexatechandculture


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Alexatechandculture/Mary Bock


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Alexa! Here is some feedback for your current Wikipedia draft:

Lead

First, I would suggest deleting the header and just bolding "Mary Angela Bock" at the beginning of your lead sentence. Most bibliography pages are formatted this way.

This lead section currently does not provide an overview of all of the page's content. It also needs to provide information as to why Mark Bock is notable or it risks being taken down. She is a journalist for what notable publications? I also suggest combining your first two sentences.

Career

I suggest adding more in-text links to other wikipedia articles in this section, like to the anchor text for the schools she attended, KCCI-TV, and associations she is in if possible.

I also suggest splitting this section up with another sub-header. The top half and bottom half of this section seem different from each-other and deserving of two separate header distinctions.

I also believe you need to cite after each sentence, even though they all share the same citation source. Don't quote. me on that though. It just covers you for if someone asks "Where did they get that information from?" and it is immediately after the sentence.

Research

Need to italicize titles of Dr. Bock's book titles. I also suggest stating the book titles with a colon (Mary Bock as published 4 books: title title title and title) before explaining the content of each one.

For the second half I also suggest stating the topics of beauty standard, the American judiciary system and cop-watching before stating them or try to tie them together in a cleaner way. Currently, it feels very random.

Works

I suggest talking the first half of the "research" section that talks about her books and put it in this section. I would also put this section above research.