User:Kp3td/sandbox

Article Evaluation - Louisa Charlotte Tyndall


 * 1) Is everything in the article relevant to the article topic? Is there anything that distracted you? I noticed that there is a lack of information regarding her early life fro/m 1845 - till when she got married to John Tyndall. The date that Louisa and John got married is not included in the article. I also noticed we have a year to when she died but don't have the exact month and day.
 * 2) Is the article neutral? Yes the article seems unbiased but seems to be from Johns perspective. Especially in Tyndall and John'S Relationship section is where I seem to notice a shift in viewpoint.
 * 3) Are there viewpoints that are underrepresented or over represented? Her early life, her own successful works, and what she did (more specifically) after her husbands death is underrepresented. An over representation I noticed is the article states she works with John and there seems to be the article discusses him a bit more.
 * 4) Check citations. The citations have worked from the ones I checked.
 * 5) In each fact referenced with an appropriate, reliable reference? Yes
 * 6) Is any information out of date? There are a lack of dates spanning from her birth (1845) till the time she died in 1940. In the Later Life section, they bring up Johns death in 1893 which follows her death date in 1940. Perhaps his death could be brought to the top of the section and then it could end with her death in 1940.
 * 7) Article rated. The article is rated as as a start - class with low - importance.

Sources for Paracelsus: (with Ashley Pruett)


 * 1) Paracelsus (Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim, 1493-1541) : essential theoretical writings (Book) - requested
 * 2) Philippus Aureolus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim--known as Paracelsus (Article)
 * 3) The devil's doctor : Paracelsus and the world of Renaissance magic and science (Book)

Edit into the Section of Early Career

He settled in Salzburg in 1524 but had to leave in the following year due to his support of the German Peasants' War. In 1525, he was active at the University of Freiburg.[citation needed]

After visiting his father at Villach and finishing no local opportunity to practice, he settled in Salzburg in 1524. Since 1519/20 he had been working on his first medical writings, and he now completed Elf Tarktat and Volumen medicinae Paramirum, which describe eleven common maladies and their treatment, and his early medical principles. In the following year, he had to leave to support the German Peasants' War. In 1525, he was active at the University of Freiburg.[citation needed]

Drafting into the Section of Early Career

Between 1517 and 1524, he worked as a military surgeon, in Venetian service in 1522. In this capacity he traveled widely across Europe, and possibly as far as Constantinople.

He settled in Salzburg in 1524 but had to leave in the following year due to his support of the German Peasants' War. In 1525, he was active at the University of Freiburg.[citation needed]

Rework to:

Paracelsus sought a universal knowledge that was not found in books or facilities thus, between 1517 and 1524, he embarked on a series of extensive travels around Europe. His wanderings led him from Italy across France to Spain and Portugal, through France again, then to England, Germany, Scandinavia, Poland, Russia, Hungary, Croatia, across Italy and thence to Rhodes, Constantinople and possibly, Egypt. During this period of travel, Paracelsus enlisted as an army surgeon and was involved in the wars waged by Venice, Holland, Denmark, and the Tartars. Then Paracelsus returned home, in 1524, from his travels.

After visiting his father at Villach and finding no local opportunity to practice, he settled in Salzburg, as a physician, in 1524 and remained there till 1527. Since 1519/20 he had been working on his first medical writings, and he now completed Elf Tarktat and Volumen medicinae Paramirum, which describe eleven common maladies and their treatment, and his early medical principles. During his return to Villach and working on his first medical writings, he contemplated many fundamental issues such as the meaning of life and death, health, the causes of disease (internal imbalances or external forces), the place of humans in the world and in the universe, and the relationship between humans (including himself) and God.

Review by K8shep (talk) 14:41, 19 March 2020 (UTC)
1. What does the article do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way? Great job making this a lot more narrative than before. You've chosen some interesting parts of his life to highlight here.

2. What changes would you suggest the author apply to the article? Why would those changes be an improvement? Make sure you're citing at all possible places. Keep up the good work.

3. What's the most important thing the author could do to improve the article? Keep working in your sources and you'll be fine for this.

Addition of Sources 20 March 2020

"Paracelsus sought a universal knowledge that was not found in books or facilities" thus, between 1517 and 1524, he embarked on a series of extensive travels around Europe. His wanderings led him from Italy, France , to Spain , Portugal , to England , Germany  , Scandinavia , Poland , Russia   , Hungary   , Croatia , to Rhodes , Constantinople   , and possibly even, Egypt. During this period of travel, Paracelsus enlisted as an army surgeon and was involved in the wars waged by Venice (Italy), Holland (Netherlands) , Denmark  , and the Tartars (Russia). Then Paracelsus returned home, in 1524 , from his travels.

"After visiting his father at Villach and finding no local opportunity to practice, he settled in Salzburg", as a physician, in 1524  and remained there till 1527. "Since 1519/20 he had been working on his first medical writings, and he now completed Elf Tarktat and Volumen medicinae Paramirum, which describe eleven common maladies and their treatment, and his early medical principles". During his return to Villach and working on his first medical writings, "he contemplated many fundamental issues such as the meaning of life and death, health, the causes of disease (internal imbalances or external forces), the place of humans in the world and in the universe, and the relationship between humans (including himself) and God".