User:Krtsstko2/Maragheh observatory/Mcolletti 2 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Krsstkof2


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Krtsstko2/Maragheh_observatory?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Maragheh observatory

History Section
- I would change the wording in the second sentence "This is according to multiple books including ...". This feels awkward to have the citation for a source outside of the sentence itself. This part could be expanded upon to say what each of the three sources say, or slightly reworded.

- Would also change the sentence "Al-Tusi developed many astronomical theories..." to make it sound less critical of al-Tusi. "Failed to carry them to completion" is correct, but the connotation sounds negative.

- Change/fix capitalization of al-Tusi throughout. In some sentences "Al" is capitalized at the start of the sentence and on some it is lowercase.

- Change wording on "Al-Tusi supposedly preyed..." to remove supposedly

- Change sentence that states "According to texts recovered from the observatory..." the inclusion of the Chinese astronomer later makes this sentence redundant unless it its reworded. Or move this sentence further down as an introduction to Fao Munji

Overall a really well written section. I'm not exactly sure everything that was edited from you, versus included in the original but I wanted to give feedback on the entire thing as a whole. I really like the inclusion of Hulagu Khan in the history section, it makes a lot more sense than in it's own section. The only thing I would maybe change is to read it out loud and add any additional transition sentences as need be that would make it flow smoother.

Description
I really like this section as well and feel like it flows together. It's very technical compared to other sections in the article, but the syntax works because it's a technical description of the building. My only suggestion would be to add a description about what the ruins look like today if you can find one.