User:Kyleruss311/Childbirth in rural Appalachia/Akb0036 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Kyleruss311


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kyleruss311/Childbirth in rural Appalachia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Childbirth in rural Appalachia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Your draft is strong, but there are a couple things I saw that might be good to fix. You had a good lead, my biggest catch in that paragraph was how much you repeated 'Childbirth in Appalachia', it gets a bit repetitive, so I would limit that. Another thing is it begins very biases. Off the bat it is obvious how you feel towards this subject, and though it is tragic and sad, Wikipedia articles are supposed to remain neutral. You could instead use medical statistics that would prove how you feel about this matter rather than straight up saying that what is happening is not okay. Again, wikipedia articles are supposed to remain unbiased and neutral so I would recommend taking out the part about your cousin and maybe adding a statistic about miscarriages in Appalachia. It is also very important to add your sources and cite them throughout your contribution. Make sure they are reliable! Overall you seem to have a good drive to write this and good reason, my main advice would to be make it a lot less biased and include your sources! Good luck!