User:LBrew1/Online communication between school and home/Kylerstrickler Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

LBrew1


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:LBrew1/Online_communication_between_school_and_home?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Online communication between school and home

Evaluate the drafted changes
The author chose to not make any changes to the lead, when I think that he probably should have. While the section that he chose to add was not one that is a main topic throughout, it is still a large part of the article and one that at least should probably be mentioned in passing in the lead. Maybe it is not even a completely new sentence, but there should be at least one reference to the pandemic and the impact that is played on this area of study.

As for content, I am not really sure where this section that the author wants to add goes, but I will cover that more later during organization. I think the information that the author wants to add is extremely relevant and important to this topic, and I am surprised that this information was not already included because it is one of the first things that came to my mind while I was reading the article. Obviously, it is relevant and up-to-date, as all of the pandemic happened very recently. However, I do think there is some content that is missing. The author talks about communication between teachers and students online and how that was impacted by the pandemic, but does not address how, if at all, the pandemic influenced communication between teachers and parents. I think that this information is probably missing. As for possible content gaps, I do not think that this article brings about any.

In general, the author makes changes that were unbiased and telling information. However, the actual way that he presents these changes could probably be altered a little bit to be less biased and not make subliminal arguments, even if he did not know he was making them. "This quote indicates that a vast majority of internet users are children, making them extremely comfortable with online platforms and technology" is a sentence that should probably not be in here, because it is not sourced and is using an implication as though it is the final word. This is also an issue in a few other sections, when the author said "this made it hard...". While those sources might have referenced things being difficult, the way these issues are brought up is too casual and makes it seem as though the author is coming up with it himself. There is no issues with the sources. They are all sufficient, academic, and extremely recent. The author did a good job with his sources.

Finally, organization. The author makes a few grammatical errors, but nothing that can't be fixed really quick. He uses "lead" when it should be "led", and refers to the pandemic as "covid" in all lowercase, which is not consistent with how it is referenced on Wikipedia. Other than that, the actual content in this is well organized and well-said, I especially like how the author used parentheses to talk about examples. As for the overall organization of the section, as I discussed earlier, it should probably be two separate sections to match the overall organization of the article, which has two halves -- parents to school, and students to teachers. The paragraph itself is probably too large and should be broken up, but likely doesn't need a subheading or anything. Rather, a simple paragraph break. If the author was to add the information I proposed, he would probably add it in an entirely new section under a different section heading.