User:LRonHoover03/Fonio/Tallahatchie Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

LRonHoover03


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
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 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Fonio

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

There doesn't seem to be any work on the lead, but that may be your intention to focus work elsewhere. If interested maybe include a sentence or two about the history of the grain. Though nothing in the body relates to this it would be nice to have some broad historical overview.

Content

Good addition and a small detail that would normally be overlooked. While the article looks difficult to find places to expand I think detailing what differentiates black and white fonio would be of interest.

Commercialization of the West section is a very robust. To avoid bias I suggest changing to title to "Outside of Africa" rather than "the West." Maybe have "Commercialization of the West" as a sub-sub section of fonio cultivation outside of Africa so as to not ignore other places and people. Did fonio ever make it across the Atlantic in the Columbian exchange? It is cultivated or eaten at all in India, East Asia, or the Middle East?

Tone and Balance

Nice neutral tone that conveys description well. The only awkward spot in the article is under the United States section in Commercialization in the West. The working of "Thiam hopes to not only introduce" could be better, however I think the rest of the sentence flows well.

Sources and References

Good sources that add to the already long list of citations on the original article. Could Carney and Rosomoff be useful here? Dr. Fiona Marshall of WashU's Anthro department specializes in crop domestication in sub-Saharan Africa. She might be a useful resource for finding strong sources (namely scholarly books).

Organization

Good. I mentioned the possible reorganization of "Commericalization in the West" section above. If including the history of the grain I do not think an entire section necessary, just add to lead or under cultivation section.

Images and Media

N/A, but as a suggestion you could go to a fancy grocery store in the city and get a picture of fonio being sold. I'm sure Trader Joes may carry some.