User:Lakeley/Adina Pintilie/SLOSHY3900 Peer Review

Looking at your lead, your opening line on lead comes off biased. You can say they are little known, but try to avoid personal biases by asserting they should be more recognized. Instead of saying "Despite being a writer and director," you could just say that she is a writer, director and has dabbled, etc... Otherwise, your lead properly introduces your director.

The line, " Co-founder of Manekino Film" seems like it should begin with something like She is the co-founder. It reads confusingly as is. The sentence, " Using her love for art in her films to express subjects that can illustrate diverse opinions in society" seems either unnecessary, or maybe you should explain the relevance. The sentence, which begins with, " It continues a conversation about who represents..." should be shortened or split it two, as it feels like a run on sentence and is hard on the reader.

The sentence, "Working to convey a strong message to society about these at times sensitive topics that are often ignored and misrepresented" could use some tweaking. Maybe start the sentence with, "She has been working..." Also, the "at times sensitive" is unnecessary, you could just say, "these sensitive topics".

Many of your sentences need you to introduce the subject. I wont mention every one, but for example, the start of the Career section should be, "She is most recognized..." Many of the sentences in the Career section need the subject added at the beginning of the sentence.

The last paragraph in the Career section is again biased. Lines like, "Also, it was the beginning of Adina's cinematic career, which has allowed her to create countless other outstanding pieces," should be altered a bit to not have a biased view. Instead of calling them "outstanding pieces," you could just say it paved the way for her to continue making art. Try to avoid complimenting the director's work directly.

Your sources are good, including reviews and articles which are unbiased themselves.

I would recommend you review your article for moments of bias. This is important to avoid in your article. Also check for your diction and grammar, as many sentences start without introducing a subject and therefore read improperly.

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